Siren Song | KNJ ✅

Chp. 22: I'm a Good Boy

Ari's POV 🌸

I can't believe I was able to be part of such a big decision and share my ideas about Joon's new video. He seemed to like my idea, and I enjoyed how Lily jumped right on the same wavelength with me. It was exhilarating to have my ideas be heard and accepted in a room full of people I admire. It really is something to be given the opportunity to be an equitable part of the conversation.

I sit down at my desk and let it all sink in, and I feel that familiar thumping starting in my chest again.

Not now! Not at work! Today is such a good day!

I start to feel like I'm going to faint, and I lay my head on my desk, feeling the cool surface against my cheek while I try and will away the panic.

"Hey, Ari, are you okay?"

I open my eyes and see Jimin crouched down next to me. The pounding of my heart is so thunderous in my ears that I didn't hear him come through the front door.

"I'm not sick. I'm okay, Jimin-Angel, it's just...." I can't finish my sentence. If I tell him I'm having an anxiety attack, I could lose my job. I close my eyes again, worried I might faint as the feeling of lightheadedness dances inside my head.

"Sit still, Little One; I'm going to get you some water. I'll be right back," his words are soft, and I hear him pad quickly down the hall. 

Shutting my eyes I continue to hold on to the desk like a lifeline; I feel like I'm holding on by a thread.

"Ari, can I get you to take a sip of water?" A strong arm secures itself around me, and I want to die of embarrassment when I realize Jimin must have gone and gotten Namjoon when he went for the water.

Still feeling a bit lightheaded as I sit up, I run my hand over my chest while I suck in a long hot breath. Namjoon lifts the bottle to my lips, and I accept it with both embarrassment and relief.

"I'm sorry; I thought I was going to faint for a second there..."

Namjoon gently rests me, so my back is steady against my chair, looking at me with so much concern, and I feel like such a fool. He scoops up my trembling hands in his and holds them together for a moment like we are in silent prayer together.

"You are shaking all over. Should we get you to a doctor? This isn't good..."

"I'm not sick. Today was going so well, and when you listened to my ideas and said you would take them to your team...I....I....." my voice falters, and I don't know what to do; how do I broach a topic that is so taboo in our culture? The thought is only making me panic more!

"Shhh, Ari, it's okay. Are you having an anxiety attack? I always get nervous before a big event. You can talk to me. I would never judge you for that..."

A tear slides down my cheek, and his words are like the sweetest song I've ever heard. "Thank you for understanding," is all I can choke out in fear that if I keep talking, I will burst into tears. My body hasn't stopped shaking, and I can feel him trying to steady me.

He whispers, "Hey, is this happening often? When did they start happening?"

"They started after my mom passed away, and I realized I'm navigating life by myself from here on out. Ever since I started working here, they keep popping up. I don't understand why? Today has been great! Please, don't tell Lily. I'm begging you, Namjoon! I can't lose this job; I love it here!" I mumble.

"Is she okay? I was so worried!" Jimin is back again, crouched down by my chair, and I see him peer up at me with empathetic eyes.

"Jimin, tell Ari where I used to go every Thursday," Namjoon requests, his eyes never leaving mine.