Siren Song | KNJ ✅

Chp. 26: Not..Not..No!

Ari's POV 🌸

I slept in late this morning after the events of the previous day. I feel drained, and not in the way you are drained after a day of physical exertion. This was from a day that had been filled with mental gymnastics. So much happened, and so much was revealed. Even with the extra sleep, I feel exhausted.

Leaning against my kitchen counter, the smell of coffee brewing tries to awaken my senses, and I inhale as it permeates my tiny apartment. Opening the crisp white curtains, I relish the sunshine that fills my little studio apartment space and then wander into the bathroom to freshen up. When I return, I pour myself a giant cup of liquid gold and snuggle back into my bed with my laptop.

Here goes nothing!

Heeding Joon's request to delve into his online presence, I type his name into the search bar. Pausing to take a deep breath, I brace myself and then hit search. Immediately the screen fills with results.

I don't even know where to start.

I've never seen Joon dressed up or in makeup in person. I've never seen him perform outside of the studio walls. I've never seen his idol photos besides that one giant ad at my train stop, and even then, I was so overwhelmed I barely looked at it. It's as if all the air has been sucked out of my lungs when I click on the images tab. He's heartstoppingly beautiful; I've felt that way since I met him, but to see him like this...THIS is overwhelming.

Fuck! He really is a star.

I fall down the rabbit hole, and it's too much. I filter out all the information about the rest of the group and just concentrate on details about Namjoon; that alone is overwhelming enough, never mind all the rest of them for now.

The dancing is so sexy, the musicianship is as good as I thought it would be, but he's smart and known as their "leader," and he handles himself so well in some of the most high-stress situations I could imagine.

The man spoke at the United Nations and the White House? Good lord!

The realization that this is why Joon was relieved I took the time to get to know him without all this extra context is understandable. When I learn all about their fans, their very own ARMY, and the way they admire him, it's more than overwhelming. Their lust rivals my own, and I start losing confidence about potentially dating him for the first time.

He can have any person under the sun -why in the world would he want me?

Message from Joon: Good morning. How are you? 😀

Ari: I have been reading about and watching "RM" for over an hour. 😳

Joon: Oh boy, are you okay? I know it's a lot. It's even too much for me sometimes!

Ari: I have no idea why you like me when you could have anybody you want.😢

My phone starts ringing immediately, and I pick up, trying to steady my voice.

"Please, Ari. Don't let this get to you. Don't let it ruin what a nice beginning we have going on," Namjoon pleads as soon as I pick up the phone.

"Oh, Joonie, it's so, so much..." I cover the phone for a moment while I clear my throat, trying to keep myself from tearing up, "I knew you were popular, but I guess it didn't register how many millions of people think they deserve you as their own...I don't know how I fit into this puzzle..." I manage to choke out.

"You fit in right where you are meant to be...with me! Where is the woman who took control last night and gave me the best kiss of my entire life?" his words are quiet and thoughtful, shaking me back into reality.

"I'm sorry. You are so sweet. I'm still here. I guess I just lost my way for a moment."

"I think you've seen all you need to now. Stop looking me up, that's enough, or it will worsen. You get the bigger picture now, and that it's hard to navigate a relationship with someone in my career field," he clears his throat briefly. "Do...do you think you'd still like to try and date me even though it's complicated and we can't be public with our relationship right now? Dearest, I know it's a lot..."

The nerves are quivering in his voice, and I'm not used to hearing him being less than steady and confident.

"As long as we treat each other well, that's all I need, Joon. I don't need to shout it from the rooftops. I'd love to date you."

"Ari, you just made my entire life. I adore spending my time with you," he sighs.

"I adore it too" I murmur quietly.

I can barely contain the smile on my face and I'm relieved we are talking on the phone and he can't see how over the moon I am over our decision; I blush thinking about the mind-blowing kisses we shared last night, knowing that there are more to come in our future.

I can tell he has exhaled a long breath of relief, and it makes me feel good that we've landed on the same page.

"I have to get to my meeting, but we are going to finish up our song recording this week. Would it be alright with you if I ask Lily to take you along when we film the music video? I'd love to have you on set with us. I'm sure Yoongi will come along as well, so you'll have someone you can sit with," he sounds so hopeful, and it warms my heart.

"Sure, I'd be happy for her to take me along."

"Great! Can I call you tonight when I'm done with work?" he asks softly, which melts my heart.

"You can call me whenever you want, Joon. I'll always be happy to hear from you, or to call you back if I can't answer. That won't ever change...."

"Thanks, Dearest. Have a good day, and I will speak with you tonight."

"Okay, Sweetheart," I half-whisper shyly as we hang up. I sit back, gently crashing against the pillows on my bed, completely in awe that Joon wants to be with me. I am so happy; I feel like my heart may burst at any second!

I'm never looking him up on the internet again, and I'm calling my therapist tomorrow!

I go back to my computer, type "large painting canvas" into the search bar, and start looking at prices.