Siren Song | KNJ ✅

Chp. 42: Inhale, Inhale, Exhale, Exhale

Namjoon's POV 🪴

In all my years, through all my significant world experiences, nothing has prepared me for how I'm feeling right now. Sitting in the backseat of the vehicle with my temple pressed against the cold glass window, I watch the night sky as my driver winds through the city streets towards my apartment. All the beautiful stars in the night sky can't take away the pain I'm feeling right now.

Wiping away the tears, I feel like my heart is quite literally shattering inside my chest. I was just a shell of my former self when I met Ari, and she seemed to fill in all the missing pieces I didn't even realize were there before she came into my life. Not for one moment did I ever consider that the love she was showing me was just a ruse to get closer to Jungkook. Not for one damn minute, and I feel so ashamed I fell for her act.

This isn't the first time I've had someone take advantage of me; in my youth, I fumbled with some people that ended up being less than ethically inclined, but this...this is devastating. I really thought I had a future with Ari.

A mix of anger and hurt rises up in me again, and I rub my fingers between my eyes. I hate that I was so foolish to let her into my life, home, and innermost thoughts.

How could she? How could someone be like this?

I take out my phone and block Ari's phone number and her social media accounts. I never want to talk to or know what is going on in this woman's life again.

My driver drops me at the entrance of my apartment building, and I head into the lobby. "Mr. Kim, a package was delivered for you today. We placed it with great care beside your front door. Would you like further assistance with it?" the gentleman working the front desk asks.

"Thank you; I won't be requiring any further assistance. Thank you for asking, have a good evening," I bow politely and make my way to the elevator, pressing in my code to take me to my apartment.

I step off the elevator and find an enormous flat package that takes up a tremendous amount of the wall space in the hallway—scrunching my nose; I pick my brain to recall if I ordered something of this size or if I remember my assistant telling me to be prepared for a package to arrive. It's not uncommon for me to receive promotional gifts from companies and brands, hoping I will do business with them.

Typing the code to enter my apartment, I swing the door open and start sliding the giant rectangle into my hallway. Toeing off my shoes, I drag the delivery into my dining room and rest it against the side of the table and chairs.

I gently tug on the brown paper wrapping and carefully tear it away to see what lay underneath. It doesn't take long for the tears to come, and when I've removed the remainder of the paper, I'm stunned silent. Attached is a note:

Dearest Joon,

Thank you for being the person that has inspired me to be creative again. I've grown so much since we've met, and you have become the biggest light in my life. Before you, I was fumbling through the darkness, trying to find my way. Then you came into my life, and now I'm hopeful for the future for the first time in years. I hope this painting makes you feel hopeful as well. Thank you for being the love of my life!

Forever yours,

Ari

I sink to the ground and bury my hands in my face, sobbing like a child. There in front of me is the cherry blossoms picture I had asked Ari to think about painting for me. She had never brought up the idea again, and I thought she had forgotten all about it, but certainly, that wasn't the case. The quality of the work, the brush stroke techniques, the impeccable color combinations, and the sheer size of the canvas...it must have taken her weeks upon weeks to put this beautiful piece together for me.

I can't....I can't deal with this right now. It's all too much!

I don't know how to feel or what to do, but this painting is just a reminder of how heartbroken I feel right now. Even with the pain coursing through my veins, I don't want to commit to any further decisions tonight. I carefully drag the artwork into the guest bedroom that, admittedly, I rarely go into. I lean the painting up again the wall and quietly close the door behind me.

I walk into my room and lay down on the bed. Hating that my sheets smell faintly like Ari's soap and knowing I will never feel the same sleeping in this bed alone. Taking out my phone, I see all the notifications from my friends trying to reach me, but I can't deal with this situation anymore tonight; I'm completely numb.

I don't even bother to change out of my clothes; I have no will to do anything except try and breathe and make the tears go away. Pulling a blanket over me, I close my eyes and try and forget the memory of the woman I thought I might spend the rest of my life loving.