The Missing Element

Chapter 43

Kierran's pov

"How's your café?" Mom asked.

I just shrugged. I couldn't find time to visit it in a while now. My mind's just too drained from studying... even my heart.

I couldn't even look at my phone without thinking about her. I couldn't scroll through my notifications the way I used to.

The excitement I used to feel every time I'll see her name pop up at the top of my screen. The tempting feeling to use my phone as it vibrates continuously because of her spam messages while I'm studying. The good mornings when I wake up, the good nights before I sleep...

Those are just half of the things I got used to.

And now I don't know where to start again.

I don't want to start again without her.

I am hoping. I still am. Hoping that she's just tired. That it was just a hasty decision. That everything was just a misunderstanding.

But there's also a part of me accepting that it was not. Few weeks have already passed. No notifications from her.

"Dude you've been studying for more than 24 hours now. Did you even sleep?" Aaron asked when I refused to come with them to drink.

It's always been her, my studies, and my work. Now that there's no her anymore, it's now my studies and work only. But since I've been not in my mind lately, Mom told me to not work and just focus on my studies.

"What's wrong?" Mom asked when she opened the door of my room. She happened to hear me cry inside my room. "I've never seen you like this before."

"Because I've never loved a woman this much before." I cried. I cried and cried my eyes out. Mom was just there, listening to me. To my hopeless what ifs.

"Being hurt is part of being in love, Kierr." She said, almost a whisper.

Even if I was not feeling well emotionally, I didn't let what happened distract me from studying. She wouldn't like that. She always wanted me to put my studies as my first priority.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked me. I got dragged all the way here even if I refused to come. As if may magagawa pa ako. Mom was already pushing me out of the house when they came to pick me up. She said I should have some fun even for a while.

I can't. I just can't. No matter how hard I try to be happy, to force my self to smile, to laugh at their jokes, I just can't.

"I am not." I answered and opened another bottle of beer.

"Kierr, stop. That's already your 6th? Or 7th?" She said and tried to take the beer away from me.

"6th or whatever." Walang pake kong sabi.

"I... can't do this. I don't want to live my life without her." I cried. I don't know how long I've been crying already in front of my friends. "My heart hurts..." I said while tapping my chest. "Kahit sa chat lang..."

"Does he even have a girlfriend?" I heard Cheska asked.

"Almost." Aaron laughed.