The Calm After The Storm (Athenians Series #2)

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Trigger Warning: Strong Language, Mentioning Rape, Harassment & Suicide, Suicide Ideation

“I just want to disappear for a while, can I?” I whispered while holding a guitar. I sighed as I glanced to the sky and then, I stared to the darkness of the city. But there’s still a light on it... shining in the darkness.

I really love where I am right now. This is too peaceful, too comforting.

“Grabe, ah. Damang-dama ko ‘yong sakit,” sagot ni Kinuel.

“Sh*t! Naiiyak na naman ako,” bulong ko habang nananatiling nakatanaw sa city lights.

“Cry, Dianne. Go on, just cry. For you to release your grudge and pain, hmm? Hindi mo naman kailangang kimkimin lahat ng galit mo,” he said and then my tears started to fall.

Dito ako dinala ni Kinuel after that tragedy happened. I... I forced myself not to remember that again. I... I forced myself not to think again. But look at me now... still grieving from everything. Still... suffering. And still hoping that this pain would end someday or... will it be faded? I just don’t think so.

“Sige lang, iiyak mo lang. After mong umiyak, tumalon ka riyan sa bangin. Para tapos na ang buhay mo, para wala ka ng worries. ‘Tsaka wala ka na ring poproblemahin sa buhay mo.” Pinalo ko ang braso niya at saka tumawa.

“What a good idea,” sabi ko at tumayo ako bigla para gulatin siya.

“Hoy, baliw! Nagbibiro lang ako!” awat niya at hinila ako para paupuin ako ulit.

“Porket tumayo lang, e! Hindi ba pwedeng nangangawit ang legs ko!?” singhal ko sa kaniya at binatukan ko siya.

“Jokes aside, Dianne. How are you feeling? Alam kong hindi ko dapat ito tinatanong sa ‘yo pero... pero k-kasi nag-aalala lang ako sa s-sitwasyon mo.” Napangiti ako sa pagiging thoughtful niya. I’m glad that I have him since we were kids.

“Masakit... sobrang sakit.” Bumuhos ulit ang luha ko at tumingala ako para tingnan ang langit.

‘Lord, do I deserve to feel this pain? Do I deserve to be harassed? Do I deserve to be a rape victim?’

Tumingin ako kay Kinuel at nakita ko rin ang sakit sa mata niya. Pero nangingibabaw roon ang galit.

“Tell me... do I deserve to feel this pain? Do I deserve to be harassed? Do I deserve to be a rape victim?” I asked while my tears are flowing... continuously.

Hinawi niya ang buhok ko at pinunasan ang luha ko. “No, Dianne. You didn’t deserve to feel this pain, you didn’t deserve to be a victim of that tragedy.”

I smiled and then I looked away. “S-sa dinami dami ba naman k-kasi ng tao riyan, b-bakit ako pa? T*ngina! Bakit ako pa!?” I shouted... with all pain and hatred.

“Bakit ako!? Bakit ako!? Bakit ako pa!?” sigaw ko ulit. Mas malakas at mas binigay ko ang lahat-lahat na sakit at galit na nararamdaman ko.

“Shh... shh. Tahan na,” nahihirapang saad ni Kinuel.

“Ang bobo-bobo ko naman kasi! Bakit kasi ako naniwala kaagad!? Ganoon tuloy ang nangyari sa akin!” I told to myself. I slowly hitted my chest.

“H-hindi mo kasalanan, Dianne. It’s not your fault,” he assured me, I shook my head repeatedly.

“I-it was my fault,” I whispered again.

After so many years, I knew I was healed. I thought I am already healed. I knew before that there’s no pain again because I found my happiness and freedom. I thought I won’t feel the same pain again. But... it was only my thoughts. This is the worst thing than before because I was raped and I didn’t survived myself alone.