Of Love and Death.

The Past Chapter 10: I'm Sorry Mind. Pt. 4

     Mind hugged himself, curling up. He was floating, for some reason afraid to touch the rock of the asteroid he'd been to an uncountable number of times now. Perhaps he didn't like how cold the floating piece of congealed star dust would feel when he touched it. As a matter of fact, the whole universe was much colder than it had been before, back in the beginning of it all.

     Back when everything began, the Mind's life had been much simpler, but also much more hectic. Within the span of what was basically a moment for all intensive purposes, hundreds, if not thousands of beings had awoken. Not one of them could remember anything before that, except a fleeting breath of forming. Of feeling themselves become themselves. A feeling of getting senses, but also a feeling of breaking. A feeling that they had split off from a whole.

     Everyone had been so disoriented, and cramped together as well. Although, after a much shorter period than might be expected, there was space. A "Big Bang" was the name that had later emerged for that beginning. After that, after everyone had spread out, Mind remembered how groups had formed.

    And how terrified all of the forces had been. To be nothing one moment and then the next something, and to be aware of that, was hard. It wouldn't have even been so bad if all the forces had just become themselves with a knowledge that being something was a thing. Instead, a bunch of minds had been thinking, hearts beating, and everyone desperately trying to find a way to communicate with all the others. To find a sense of self when they'd just been ripped away from the majority of themselves.

     Their force. For Mind it was the force of mind. For Blood the force of blood. For the leaders of the shadows and suns, the forces of light and dark. And so on. All the forces were just a small part of that larger thing. The part that was alive, not simply existing in the background of the universe, driving everything from behind the scenes. To some it was terrifying. The fact that they could never be themselves, and were just a shell. Mind kind of loved it, in a weird way. He always knew that, as bad as he may be doing, he was just a part of something that was doing fine.

      It was reassuring. At least most of the time.

      Right now, however, Mind was finding no comfort in the fact that there was a bigger him that was doing fine. Because, right now, he was more concerned with the fact that he, this him that he could understand, wasn't doing fine. This him felt awful, and dirty, and like there was something inside of his stomach that was eating at him, making him hollow. He wanted to rip off his lips and his skin so that no one could ever touch him again. But he also wanted to be able to touch something. Well, someone really. He wanted Fire. He wanted Fire because he needed a friend. And, as much as Blood was Mind's closest friend, the other shadow would probably go and punch Cold in the face repeatedly if he heard what happened. Which would only end badly for Blood.

     Fire, however, would probably be able to stay calm. He'd be able to just be silent if Mind needed that, which was what he did need. Mind just needed to be able to touch another person who he didn't worry was going to violate him. Because that's how he felt. Violated. Even though Cold had kissed him many, many, times, this one was different.

     No kiss between Mind and Cold would be what Mind described as "good" but this one hurt him, like a bunch of scraping needles after his soul. He wanted to be able to forget it ever happened, but, already, he knew that he might not ever forget. He'd hopefully be able to get over it, but the image of Cold coming closer was seared in his brain for all eternity.

       Fire, why, now of all times, did you have to be late? You're normally here before me. Please come, Mind whimpered in his head. Please come, he repeated. I need you to come.