Of Love and Death.

The Past Chapter 11: Wanting to Love Pt. 4

      Mind had woken up a while ago. His eyes were closed, and he was still. He was soaking in the warmth of Fire's chest. Enjoying the way his head rested on the sun, the way his legs were curled up with the suns. How Fire's wings enveloped the two of them, giving the two what felt like a universe all to themselves. It was just beautiful.

      The psychic shadow hadn't informed Fire he was awake. Because among all of that enjoying being with the sun, Mind wasn't quite sure how to explain how he felt. He wanted to be able to put it into words, and make it clear that it wasn't personal. Not towards Fire anyway. To explain that it wasn't what he wanted, but he didn't want to end up ruining this all. At least he didn't worry that the sun would be upset with his choice. Fire had been, just, he'd been so supportive. Mind was still unused to that level of support from anyone who wasn't Blood. Even Form hadn't quite gotten there.

      Honestly, Mind was also in shock with himself. It wasn't just the hesitancy to explain what he wanted to do next that was keeping him quiet. He also didn't understand how he'd been so open. When he'd told Blood and Form about Cold, he'd said the bare minimum to get his story across. But now, all the words had just come with Fire. He'd trusted the sun with all of that. And it wasn't solely because he was ready to share all of his dirty laundry (cr?) with Fire, it was because of who Fire was as well.

      Everything had come out. There wasn't that same release as when Mind had spoken with his best friends, that moment of breaking through that door was gone. However, there was a different sort of relief. He knew Fire would be by his side, and he knew that Fire wasn't quite reckless enough to go and try and fight Cold that very second. Even moreso, the sun had given him the chance to explain himself. Mind hadn't missed his crush's initial fury, or the logic that had followed a moment later.

      Yet Mind hadn't been able to speak about It. About getting kissed by Cold that, hopefully last, time. He'd broken down before he'd gotten there. Even if he had gotten to the point where it was time to talk about It, he knew he wouldn't have been able to. And he was trying to be okay with that, but he wasn't really. He logically knew that he couldn't have recovered from It by now, and maybe would never be fully the same.

      Mind wanted to be through all this.

     Mind wanted to just put it all behind him and focus on Fire, no matter how unrealistic that was, it was what he wanted. And maybe he would have tried to do that, if not for this sense inside of his soul that doing so would hurt him more in the long run. Which was something the shadow definitely did not want. He wanted to be okay.

      Eventually, Mind realized that sitting here thinking about all of this wasn't going to get him anywhere. He and Fire couldn't stay on this asteroid forever. He needed to say his piece and discover what they were going to do from there. Hopefully they'd be able to figure it out together.

     Fire, Mind whispered into the sun's head. As he did so, he creaked open his eyes. The very first thing he saw when he woke up was Fire. He saw the embodiment of flame staring down at him with beautiful eyes, with kindness entrenched in them. Mind couldn't help it. When he saw his crush he blushed. Red blood and blue skin mixed to form purple.

     In Fire's defense, the sun tried to be coy about Mind's obvious feelings. He was clearly pursing his lips and trying not to smile. However, he failed miserably. Fire broke out into the cutest little smile of just innocent joy and excitement. He showed a few of his teeth as his lips slightly parted, and Mind did not miss his red cheeks becoming redder.

      There was a pang in Mind's heart. He didn't want to ruin this moment, or compromise it in any way. But he was going to. He couldn't lead Fire on, couldn't show this much affection. At least not without clearing the air first. Hey, Mind said. He hoped he didn't sound too sad.