Of Love and Death.

The Past Chapter 10: I'm Sorry Mind. Pt. 1

Okay, so, I'm going to be upfront. Don't read this chapter. I mean, I put effort into it, and the ending is kind of nice, but don't read it. It's just awful, there's claustrophobia and panic and fear and Cold kisses Mind when he explicitly doesn't want that and has told her as much. So, yeah. Anything important will be in the summary, or restated in a future chapter.

 I know how all this ends, and you might not like it but then again, the Present and Future exist for a reason. So that this isn't a Greek Tragedy where everyone dies forever. 

Why has there been so little Shalt content in a Shalt book? I feel like I should do something about that soon... *wink wink, nudge nudge*

     Mind paced back and forth in the dark halls of the Shadow's Orb. His black hooves blended in with the floor and it was so quiet he could hear them clack against each other. Just tell her, he thought to himself, wringing his hands in front of him. Just tell her, just tell her, just tell her. It wasn't hard. All he had to do was walk up to Cold and tell her the truth. She would respect his wishes about this.

     Right?

     Of course Cold would. She might not have always been the nicest to Mind, but this was important. She had to love him to have dated him, and, if Blood and Form were right, then she'd know that this was what was best for him. And would let him be happy, because she cared. She had to care, because Mind didn't know what to do if this went south.

     However, Mind didn't have to worry about all of that, because Cold would respect his wishes. It was the only logical thing that would happen. It was the only thing he could think about happening. Even if he somewhat knew it was nothing more than wishful thinking, he had to hope. If he didn't, he felt a band of something tight constrict around his chest, keeping him from breathing.

     Drawing an unsteady breath, Mind leaned back against the wall, going over what he knew about Cold's schedule in his mind. He knew she came by here a lot, and, considering that she wasn't really the social type, chances were she'd be alone. Mind would be able to talk to his girlfriend, and explain that he didn't want to date her anymore. Calmly, he'd explain the situation. Maybe he'd leave out the bit about how he found himself crushing on Fire.

     An image of the flaming sun burst into Mind's head without warning, not that he really minded. As a matter of fact, the shadow felt his cheeks grow warm as his blood rushed to them, turning them purple. A small smile crept onto Mind's face. He'd felt this way for a while whenever Fire came to mind, but now he understood what it meant.

     For some reason, the knowledge that Mind liked Fire sent a surge of joy through the former's heart. It was like his whole body was tingling and ready to explode at the first mention of the sun's name. I never felt this way about Cold, Mind thought to himself. He slid down against the wall, a smile still on his face, even as a question crossed his conscience. I wonder if Fire ever thinks about me? Our next meet up is supposed to be really soon.

     As a matter of fact, Mind and Fire were set to meet right after this conversation with Cold. It was part of the reason why Mind was doing this now. He'd been chickening out for a little while, avoiding Cold and the wrath that, even if he chose to believe otherwise, he knew was coming. Thankfully, the other shadow hadn't exactly sought out Mind either, probably equally unsure as to what to say.

    Which made Mind feel weird. He was the one taking responsibility and doing what he knew was right. Not Cold. It was a complete one-eighty from when they were dating and Cold had been in charge of every little detail in Mind's life.

     A pinprick on Mind's internal radar caught his attention. He scrambled to his hooves, knowing that he only had seconds before she showed up. Cold was just around the corner, and they would be face to face soon. His heart picked up, beating faster. He found himself panting, scared as to what was coming. Any giddiness about Fire was gone in an instant. Scared of what he refused to realize Cold could do once he said his case. To be honest, he didn't really have any idea as to what his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend might do, or how she would react. He just had a feeling it wasn't going to be pretty, a feeling he was actively trying to ignore.

     The air cooled down, and goosebumps appeared on Mind's skin. His breath caught in his throat and he choked, unable to breathe. Not that he had to move air in and out of his lungs to survive, but it was uncomfortable and terrifying that he couldn't anymore. He felt tears well up in his black eyes, and he wiped them away as quickly as possible. Cold could not, under any circumstances, see him crying for this. He didn't know how to explain, but he didn't like the thought of her seeing him weak. He didn't trust her enough for that.

     How good did it feel to put that into words? Not too long ago, Mind would have reprimanded himself for ages if he thought that he didn't trust Cold. Now, he could admit it to himself and be happy that he admitted it. The novelty and the joy of being able to be true to his feelings had yet to wear off.

     Mind swallowed hard, and clenched his hands into fists. He closed his eyes, and tried to breathe. It didn't work too well, but he tried. He took a moment and opened his eyes, just as Cold turned the corner. She froze where she was, hair laying against her skin, arms resting at her sides. Cold's skin sparkled even in the darkness of the hallways. She stuck out against the backdrop of blackness, ethereal and unnerving. Mind realized something he hadn't before, something that made his stomach turn. Cold was kind of beautiful, and she knew it. She made a point of making herself look good, so that people would gaze upon her. He had never picked up upon that until now, her charm had never worked on him.

      Even now, Mind still didn't feel any love or attraction towards Cold. He only had realized what she did, how she tried to lure everyone to her, and needed them to look at her. Odd how it didn't work on him, the person who should be the most attracted to her. Oh the irony. Especially considering, even though Mind tried not to, he did occasionally find other shadows attractive. Like how Time had messed with him before he started dating Cold, and he'd been tricked into admitting that she was cute. Which he still admitted was true.

     Not to the same extent that Fire was cute, however.

     "Mind?" Cold asked. Her voice had an edge to it that Mind couldn't quite place. Not happy, but not scared. Certainly mad, but there was something else there as well. Almost like she was sad. Was she? Mind studied Cold a little bit closer. She certainly did look a little bit different. There was a shadow under her eyes, and she was too rigid in her posture. It was almost like she was trying to cover up how she felt upset. "What are you doing here?"

     All of that being said, Cold's voice was still even. She still held her head high, and walked with power in her step. Her eyes still cut into who or whatever she was looking at. She still made it clear that she was in charge. A shiver went up Mind's spine. For a split second, he wondered if he should have accepted Blood's offer to come with him. Mind had declined on the clause that he wanted to be able to prove to himself that he could do this. Which was still true, he still wanted to be able to say, "I told Cold I didn't want to date her, all by myself" but he was now wondering if that sentence would come at a cost.

     "I-I came to t, talk to y-you," Mind stuttered through a dry mouth. Internally he cursed himself. He'd rehearsed this a thousand times, all so that he wouldn't stutter in front of Cold. It was embarrassing, and he wanted to show Cold that he was strong. That he wasn't scared of her and that she didn't control him. However, now he'd given her the opposite message.

     This was going to go just great wasn't it?