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Characters: Childe and Scaramouche (No spoilers for any in game quest, this is made up. It does imply the Liyue Archon quest though. And it hints at Scaramouche's backstory, but it's kinda not straightforward.) Strong language, thank you Scaramouche. (SHORT) -----------------
Childe had just strolled back into Fatui headquarters as if he didn't just make the biggest mistake in the book.
The only reason Scaramouche decided to give half a damn was because he was tasked with cleaning up any messes that Childe made or failed to clean himself. Which was the worst job he could've been assigned because Childe always made it a living hell.
Scaramouche was pacing around the main lobby looking over the reports he received just a few hours before Childe made his arrival back to Snezhnaya. He was fuming to say the very least.
"How the hell... how the HELL did he manage to run his funds dry... and then leave the bank with a bunch of unfinished money deposits and withdrawals... not to mention the debt collections– ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" He shouted out of frustration.
The lingering Fatui glanced up from whatever they were doing at the sound of his voice. Then immediately picked up speed and continued to find a clear way to leave the premises.
Scaramouche felt like exploding. If the Tsaritsa saw this, he would be yelled at again. But this was something that he couldn't fix remotely. And he truly had no business being in Liyue for any reason at all.
"Scara!" A chipper voice came from behind him. If he were a bomb, he would've exploded. Instead, he didn't turn around in order to keep his peace. "Aw, don't ignore me!"
"Get your ass over here." Scaramouche held the papers up still with his back turned. "Why is Ekaterina sending me four pages worth of your mistakes? Can you not do a single thing right?"
"Oh wow, you already received that?"
"I can hear the smile in your voice." Scaramouche turned around and he was right. Childe was grinning from ear to ear. "Don't make me wipe that smirk off your face."
"Violence between each other is prohibited unless granted permission. Didn't you read the rules?"
"Fuck you and the rules."
"Such vulgar language. Anyway, is it really that bad?"
"Tartaglia." Scaramouche clutched the papers in his hands. "It's 4 pages long. FOUR. FOUR PAGES!"
Childe scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah well let's just say I got distracted. Liyue is a very interesting nation, you know. So much to see and do. I can't possibly sit at the bank all the time."
"Distracted." Scaramouche crossed his arms. "You didn't seem so distracted when you had full intentions to drown the whole harbor." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "How did you go broke?"
"Well I'm glad you asked–"
"I'm not."
"Let me explain." Childe held up a hand. "There's this... guy. And you know, I just couldn't help but buy him a bunch of nice things. I forgot about my objective to be honest."
Scaramouche blinked and had to take a small walk around in a circle to compose himself. "Let me get this straight." He stopped. "You used all of your mora for... a guy."
Childe nodded, "not just any guy though! You don't understand. He's..." He looked around before leaning in and whispering. "Rex Lapis!"
"For the love of the Shogun." Scaramouche took off his hat and smoothened out his hair. "You spent all of YOUR mora, on the GOD OF MORA?!"
"Shhh!" Childe put a finger to Scaramouche's lips but immediately got swatted away. "Can you imagine having a god interested in you?"
Scaramouche scoffed, "yeah I might know a thing or two." He settled his hat back on top of his head. "But that's not the point. This is going to make us look horrible. All because you were too busy making out with Rex Lapis to focus on what you were there to do."
Childe gasped. "I did not– We did not– It's not like that!"
"Yet."
"Okay I may have messed up but think about this; I didn't leave you with another body cleanup job. I didn't kill anybody!"
Scaramouche looked extremely confused, "what the hell do you want? A gold star?"
"Ooo can you actually get me one?"
"You're insufferable."
Scaramouche turned and went to walk away and tried to not become even more annoyed at Childe's footsteps following behind him. Scaramouche had to schedule a boat out to Liyue so he could fix things.
He approached a mirror maiden who was standing behind a window. "Good evening Lord Balladeer. How can I help?"
"I need the earliest ship for Liyue Harbor tomorrow." He said somewhat impatiently.
She began to look through a list and went through with a pen. Marking certain things, and crossing out dates and names. "It seems we can get one tomorrow at 4am. But then after that most of the ships are being used by the other Harbingers. It seems some are going out to Natlan, Fontaine, and Sumeru."
Scaramouche's right eye twitches. 4am was a stretch. He asked for early, but not that early. It's not like he really cared for his beauty rest, but damn was that early. Since when did the other Harbingers leave Snezhnaya anyway?
Childe snickered, "good luck."
"You're coming with me. I'm not going to get that done by myself. No actually... I can. I just don't want to." Scaramouche side eyed Childe. "Better get some sleep."
He frowned. "What did I do to deserve this?"
The mirror maiden had Scaramouche sign his name under the slot, "have a fling with a god." He returned the list back and turned around. "Don't look at me like that, weirdo." He was referring to the strange puppy dog eyes he was receiving.
"But Scara, you have to understand this really isn't my fault, I mean have you seen Zhongli–"
"Ah no no no I don't want to hear it. I really don't" Scaramouche covered his ears. "I hate finances, I actually wish you would've killed somebody."
"I can arrange that."
"The only dead body I'm going to clean will be yours if you don't stop it."
"Feisty are we?"
"I'd call it aggravated."
- - - -
I could make them argue with each other for years tbh
