Margaret Allie Brandon (Jasper's Mate Story)

Chapter 46

 (Dec. 21st)
Jasper's POV:

Margaret had been here three days but I haven't seen her awake since the other day. Today also marked a day that I had planned on asking Margaret if she would wear a promise ring, since I didn't want to scare her with an engagement ring. Right now though, I wanted nothing but to take her into my arms and comfort her like any mate would want but I couldn't even be in the same room without her tensing and giving off enough fear and pain and shame to bring even me to my knees.

I watch her sleep when Rose lets me in, and I was sending her as much calm as I could but it wasn't enough. Everyone heard her panicked heartbeat when Carlisle had gone up to check on her after the first time she woke, and Rose had told us later that she was almost as tense with him as she had been with me earlier. She had tried asking her who it was that hurt her, but Margaret only started sobbing and refused to answer the question.

It wasn't actually necessary information as we knew exactly who it was. It only took a few minutes for us to find out everything about Randy Johnson, her foster 'father.' He should be thankful that he's only in jail and not dead. Unfortunately, he's not in jail for his treatment towards her, rather a bar fight he started the night we got her out of that hell.

She hadn't mentioned anything to Carlisle about what she said about him being in the car with her the day her mother died, but it could be that her fear was simply too great for her to even remember that. I could feel her fear as it seemed to pierce my un-beating heart. My family had worried that her blood would be too tempting even for me as she was healing, but just as I found the first day I met her, her blood wasn't tempting.

Her blood did seem to call out to me, but not as a temptation. Her blood seemed to be calling out to me for help. Help that I couldn't even offer her because each time one of the guys went into her room her panic and fear skyrocketed through the roof. Edward had to leave the house a few times already hearing her thoughts and memories of what had happened. I was too afraid to ask as I knew it would only end in me breaking into jail to kill the piece of shit that did that to my mate.

I felt a sigh leave my lips as I listened to Rose knock on my door, where Margaret was staying for now. I heard my mate's heartbeat speed up before she said to come in in a shaky voice. I closed my eyes as I felt Esme's hand on my shoulder, offering me a soft smile as she I looked up at her from my seat on the sofa.

"It will take time dear, but she will recover from this. She is very strong." (Esme)

"I know Esme, I just hope she's strong enough to forgive me for not being there because I may never forgive myself." (Jas)


Margaret's POV:

I was away from Randy but wasn't very sure if where I was actually safe. Rose had been there every time I woke up, not that I had gotten much sleep as every time I closed my eyes I was back in Randy's bed with him on top of me. Carlisle had come in earlier today and checked my wounds and rebandaged them as Rose stood nearby. My breaths came in ragged breaths as my panic grew while he touched me, even though I knew who he was and knew that he was a doctor.

His kind stare told me that I had nothing to fear from him as his golden eyes reminded me of Jasper's, but my mind told me that he was dangerous because he was a man. He told me that I was free to walk around the house, as long as I didn't over-do it but I didn't want to leave the room. I had already taken a dozen or more showers since waking up here the first time but I still felt his filthy hands on me. The only comfort I had found so far was in Rose, as she stayed with me nearly the entire time, and every time I woke up crying or screaming she was nearby waiting to comfort me.

I heard a gentle knock on the door and felt myself freeze as I looked away from the window and the wood scene outside. Rose sent me a soft smile as she told whoever it was to come in, my entire body tensing and starting to shake in panic. It wasn't Carlisle or Jasper or any of the other guys that lived here, it was Esme. I saw her smile a soft smile at me as she walked in and shut the door quietly behind her.

She was carrying a tray of food with something to drink on it, before she placed it down on a side table a few feet away from the chair I was in. I didn't feel the panic and worry grow as it had with Carlisle earlier and I couldn't tell if it was because she was a woman or if it was because her smile still reminded me of my mother's smile.

"I've brought you some soup and water dear, as well as some tea." (Esme)

"I'm.....I'm not hungry." (Mag)

"I know you're probably not but Carlisle says you need to eat something to gain your strength back." (Esme)

"What if I don't want to?" (Mag)

"What do you mean Margaret?" (Rose)

I hadn't meant to say that out loud but I realized that I had nothing to live for really. I had no family, no chance at a future family at least with kids, and I was tired. I was tired of the pain and constant heartbreak that living had brought me. I wanted a future with Jasper at one point, but he deserved someone better than me someone that wasn't broken. I felt tears start to fall from my eyes as I tried to explain to them what I meant but I couldn't get the words to follow. I had begun to trace the scar on my left wrist, as I realized how pointless my life truly was now.

I heard something break downstairs and shouting for a few moments, flinching in on myself when I heard it. I wrapped my arms around my knees as I closed my eyes and sobbed. I flinched again when I felt a pair of cold, strong arms wrap around me before I heard Esme whispering soothing words to me. My heart broke again as I thought of my own mother having once done the same thing to me before she died. I wish I had gone with her that day. I wish that more now than anything.


Jasper's POV:

Edward had agreed to telling me what she was thinking when she had said what she had upstairs to Rose and Esme. He told how she didn't want to live anymore, and then said her thoughts were being polluted by the memories of her time with Randy. I couldn't help the snarl that left my mouth as I threw the chair I had been sitting in across the room. I was going to kill that monster if it was the last thing I did.

Alice started yelling at me to calm down and before I could stop myself I yelled at her that it was her fault my mate was attacked like that in the first place. Edward soon began yelling in Alice's defense before Carlisle silenced us all with one sentence.

"She hears you yelling and it's scaring her." (Carlisle)

I froze where I stood as I heard my mate's sobs and Esme's soothing words. I also heard Rose whispering in a tone too low for Margaret to hear that we were behaving like fools. I soon found myself agreeing with her and apologized to Alice and Edward before I found myself standing at my door listening to my mate sob. I was sending her as much calm and comfort that I had to offer her but it was all for nothing right now.

"Dear it will be alright. You will move past this, you're strong and you're so young. You'll move past it." (Esme)

"I'm......n-not......st-strong." (Mag)

"You are though dear, even Rose will tell you that. For anyone to survive what you have, you are so incredibly strong and one day you will find the reason you are still alive. You will find the love you deserve and have a family that is everything you could ask for and more, perhaps even in Jasper and with us." (Esme)

"No.......I can't see myself being........no.................and Jasper........he deserves better....... I'm broken..........I'm j-just d-damaged..............why didn't I die??" (Mag)

I heard her sobs take over again and felt my own un-beating heart break as she sobbed into Esme's arms. She continued crying for the next 89 minutes, and I stood like a statue outside the door as she did. I heard her sobs finally soften before they stopped and then I heard Esme lay her on the bed before they covered her with the comforter. I opened the door and slowly walked in before I looked at her.

The bruises and cuts that I could still see on the part of her face that wasn't bandaged were more than enough to sign Randy's death certificate again, let alone everything else he did to her. I saw Rose and Esme look at me with neutral faces but I could feel the sadness and pity coming off them both. I ignored it though as I looked at my mate and sent her as much calm as I could produce.

"Will she be alright Rose?" (Jas)

"I......I don't know. I wanted to live for revenge but she.......she doesn't have that kind of agenda. She believes she has no one or at least that she deserves no one, and until we can convince her otherwise, it might be best to make sure that she isn't left alone." (Rose)

"I would agree. I had a vision of her this afternoon trying to.......trying to overdose on pills in the bathroom." (Alice)

Everyone one in the room tensed at Alice's words, and I felt my undead heart break into a million pieces thinking of my mate wanting to do that. She wanted to die badly enough for Alice to have a vision of her taking her own life, even though we could stop it now, she wanted that. The room was deadly silent with the exception of the heart rate monitor and Margaret's soft breaths as she laid there sleeping.

I felt the pity and connection that Rose had with my mate increase as she looked at my mate laying on the bed. I also thought of what Alice had said, and it again broke me to think of my mate being so desperate to escape what Randy had done to her that she would take her own life. I had waited so long to find out that she even existed and then I find out that I have already failed her in so many ways.

"We can't leave her alone. We......I can't fail her again." (Jas)