Elusiva Tú

Ep.16(Collide-Love&Hate)

"If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?"

Grenade

"I can't. It can't be. You look like a big sister to me. Gre, pleaaaseee".She's almost plead while her tears fall on her cheeks.

I witnessed how she combed her hair with her hand shaking while begging me those words. "I love him more than my life." My jaw clenched while I looked at her straight.

Gusto ko ng sumabog sa lahat-lahat but I'm still composing myself para lang hindi ako makapagsalita ng hindi maganda sa kanya.

Umaalingaw-ngaw pa sa ulo ko ang katagang kapatid lang talaga ang turing niya sa akin at ang kataga kung gaano niya kamahal si Lance.

Those damn words are still playing and echoing in my head. Again and again. Kapatid niya lang ako. Kapatid lang ang tingin niya talaga sa akin. She loves him more than her life.... More than .. more than.. her life.

Kulang na lang sampalin niya ako at sabihin kailanman ay hindi magiging tayo at hindi kita kayang mahalin gaya ng pagmamahal na ibinibigay mo sa akin.

"Gre, ano ba?! Magsalita ka naman.Hindi tayo pwede. Hindi kita kayang mahalin. I just can't. Mahal kita, oo pero kapatid lang". While holding my suit at pinaharap niya ako sa kanya. Begging and still pleading with her damn tears.

Hindi ko alam kung saan doon ang mas masakit ang kataga ba na hindi niya ako kayang mahalin o mahal niya ako pero kapatid lang.

I still gave her my stoic vibes. I can't comfort her now. There's too much on my hands and sides as well.

This is the very first time that I saw her crying loudly, sobbing strongly. Our first time arguing over something.Maybe after this commotion, I will expect a different her, a change.Totally.

Hindi ko siya kayang aluin ngayon. Hindi na rin ako pwedeng umatras,kailangan na naming harapin to na dalawa. Nandito na to eh, so be it.

I can feel her hands and shoulders shaking while sobbing.She's almost bent her knees just to please me. But I can't. It's not because of that damn vow but to call me selfish cause I have loved her all my life. Hindi niya ba ramdam lahat? Kulang pa ba? Kulang na kulang ba?

Ganun ba niya kamahal ang lalaking yun na halos lumuhod siya sa akin, magmakaawa na wag ituloy ang kasal o kahilingan ng yumao niya na ina.Ganun ba siya ka manhid sa lahat-lahat na halos ipagtulakan ko na ang aking sarili para lang mapansin niya ako, hindi bilang guardian niya kundi bilang ako. Nandidiri ba siya na ang huling habilin ng nanay niya ay makasal sa akin. Sa babae pa.

"Grenade... I hate you for doing this. I really hate you for ruining our relationship. You ruined my life with him!" Screaming those words to my face while pointing her finger to my chest.

"All of you betrayed me! Especially you!!!" She gave me a hard slap on my face.

And then she walked out and slammed the door loudly.

Ako pinoproseso ang lahat-lahat. Naiwan sa kwarto mag isa nakita ko pa ang sobre na dala-dala niya kanina. Sulat to galing kay Leonor ibigay daw kay Isabel after niyang maka graduate sa college.Yan ang huling hiling niya sa akin, sa amin.Si daddylo ang pinagbigyan niya nito eh. Isa sa kanya, isa sa akin. Pero di ko alam kung ano ang nakapaloob sa sulat na ginawa ni Leonor para sa kanya, basta matagal ko ng nabasa yung sa akin that was the time after her funeral.