Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 7-Sixx Ways to Find You Part 2

"Well, are you gonna show me to your room?" What in the actual fuck?! Did I just practically purr that out? I've just asked Ozzy if he had vodka, and I am not sure if his daze is from drugs or not. "Or do I have to hunt down my own Vodka? Shouldn't be hard to find." I mutter the last part. Yeah, shouldn't be hard to find, anything you want just to ask literally...except for Love. Great now I'm feeling.... again, that crushing loneliness.

Ozzy shakes himself out of his stupor to say, "Ya knows something Mars? You're something else...come on." Ozzy gestures for me to follow him to his room. Me feeling awkward, as we get there, and he goes inside and comes back out with a bottle of Vodka and hands it to me. Our fingers brush slightly.... doing things to me, I shake my head of the thoughts that have started snaking through my head. I just walk, Ozzy surprisingly follows as I head for the pool and manage to chug half the bottle before reaching said pool, yeah, it's THAT kind of night. I sit down, grimacing as my back decides to fucking scream at me. "Are.... are you ok?" Ozzy hesitantly asks. 

I grit my teeth, "It'll pass." I down more Vodka...slowly the pain dissipates. I pass the rest of the bottle to Ozzy, "Want some?"

"Nah you keep it.... Now are you going to tell me what's wrong? You look like you're in pain or were." Ozzy presses. Oh shit....no one knows not even Vince, Nikki, and Tommy...wait I take that back, Nikki doesn't pry, he never has but he and the guys know something is up. How do you tell someone you're a crippled freak...that slowly, slowly you are becoming one? And that, with all that's happened in the past few months, that you want a fucking break.... don't get me wrong, I want to be there for the guys, for Nikki especially.... things in my life never end well.... go well, happy endings are for fairy tales.

"Why do you wanna know?" I finally say diverting the question. "No one knows for a REASON. So, I'd rather talk about something else."

Ozzy's look is hard, yeah, he ain't letting this go. "I get what and all's been going on with Sixx. But...there's something else. I bloody well want to know..."

I stand angrily, "You have NO RIGHT. I am a freak, ok?!! I have a bone disease that is slowly fucking turning me into a cripple! That's WHY they call me the 'old man'!!!" I storm off, ignoring his cries of my name, did I really expect things to go well? I guess it's my fault.... but then.... then Ozzy's the first person I've ever told, even if it was in anger. I arrive back at my shared room to find Nikki....is awake, and pale....and yep, he's just puked and is nursing some Gatorade, I think.

"Whoa...what the fuck happened.... are you...are you crying? What did he do? Did he HURT you?" Nikki is getting angrier the more he talks, I touch my face and feel the wetness of tears...and am shaky. I sit down weakly.

"I. I...went down to the pool.... he took.... Ozzy took me to his room; I'd asked for Vodka.... We kind of talked. I ruined things...he started....my-my back kid...my back."

"Whoa Mick breathe." Nikki is concerned, very much so.

"I...I.... he noticed...my back flared up...he kept pressing, wanting to know...and I snapped. Nikki..." Distraught now and sobbing, "I yelled at him...I TOLD him.... there's something I've never told you and the g-guys.... I have a b-bone disease, limited movements...pain, just sheer pain.... It is turning me into a cripple. So, I'll be a statue in a museum one day I really am the old man!"

"Mick...I never pried...I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend.... I mean I knew something was wrong. But...But I am SO fucking sorry Ozzy pushed you like that, he hurt you.... but maybe he didn't really mean too. I bet money it doesn't help with Me and all.... you like me need a fucking break emotionally. You're a fucking bad ass, our resident Alien."

I start changing into sleep wear, Nikki averting his eyes before I answer him again....

"It's nobody's fault but my own, I didn't want people to hate me.... or feel sorry for me. I KNOW you don't, and I don't think Tommy or Vince will either. But Ozzy? It just...hurts more." I find myself saying. "Nikki...I'm just too old.... but I don't fucking regret being there for you even though it fucking hurts. I just wanna sleep...but I want to make sure YOU are ok."

"Get some sleep man, I'll be ok...so to speak...though I am craving.... apples and caramel, some pickles too." Nikki salivates practically, and I merely raise an eyebrow and sigh.

"I'll go, there's a place nearby. I could use some air.... i mean...." I sigh more heavily, exhaling shakily. "I do need more cigarettes." Nikki protests, but I insist, and I of COURSE run into Ozzy.... just great.

"Look...I am...sorry..." I cut Ozzy off.

"You SHOULD BE, you fucking pressed me and kept picking at me.... Now if you don't mind, I'm going to the store for Nikki." I glare. I go to walk away.... but I feel fingers around my wrist and my eyes meet Ozzy's, those damn expressive eyes. "Let me go." I plead.

"I shouldn't have done that, really...I am SORRY." Ozzy lets go, I turn and walk away calling over my shoulder...

"You have to SHOW that too." That night was painful. It wasn't sadly the last time Ozzy would hurt me, unintentionally or not. But the point is it made me feel even more so that I was a freak and not good enough for anyone...much less Ozzy, still it would in the end bring us together, lead there.... for soon, not TOO long from now...Ozzy would find me crying, everything really getting to me...and I finally opened.... i let him in.... I let him in.

I did make it to the store, getting Nikki's cravings and some bottled water and tea that doesn't have caffeine to help and I return to find Nikki with his hands cradling his stomach, in tears.... until he notices me, and I give him his cravings and you'd think I was giving him gold. I lay down in my bed, on my side and cry into my pillow...until I fall asleep and dream....

The scene starts with me in a familiar place......me in my living room, with the tv on...and I am alone, always, and forever alone.... but something is different with me....my stomach is a bit rounded and firm, and I feel fear.... until the news interrupts my sad reverie.

'Ozzy Osbourne has divorced his wife.... sources say, it wasn't an amicable split...and there may have been another factor or rumor has its person involved.'

'Sources also say the marriage was doomed from the Start and that Osbourne and his wife had an at times, volatile relationship but also were in love."

The scene once more shifts....and I find myself on the couch yet again, alone.... MTV on...and I find I can't turn away.... for Ozzy is on tv, doing an interview and introducing a new video for a new single.... i can't find it in me to turn away....

"I was for so long conflicted.... rude, hostile at times...not necessarily with Sharon...but the point is I fell in love with someone else, I started too.... but I just could never seem to find the words to tell him, I was married. That's no excuse though.... all I know is I broke his heart...I broke it, and its bloody hurts like hell. This song I wrote for him 'Mamma I'm coming Home', I wrote it so I'd think of him and hope well that it would feel like I was connected to him.... I had to figure out what I wanted, WHO I wanted. Now I know.... i hope someday I can see him again, because I bloody well realize I let something extraordinary go.... something that's NOTHING like I've ever felt....Eyes like frost, like twilight....blue-grey...so many beautiful shades," Ozzy is in tears and my jaw is on the floor, my hands cradling my rounded stomach needing comfort...for, I am not sure how to feel, I feel elated and yet...so damn scared to let him in again and especially with the fact...he has no clue, that I am carrying his child.....

A/N: A bit of flirting, some angst.... dreams of the future.....an awkward and painful confession and there is so much more to come!!