Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 37: Without my Love Part 1(Ozzy)

Watching Mick seeming to fade...struggle more and more during the last of his pregnancy the fact that to me he'd suffered for and BECAUSE of me...it killed me. It kills me still to think about...but, his labor...the birth, his 'death' and what happened after? Well, that would nearly kill me....it was so damned hard to be without him. I had no NEEDED to be there for our children and my beloved Queen of Darkness.

Blood is everywhere, my beloved's eyes are now closed.... a heart monitor flat lining, I haven't even seen my firstborn...and my second.... all I know in THIS moment, is I am being dragged taken away from my beloved, my children who I don't know if they will be ok, or if my Alien will be.... Or ever come back to me. And I am SCREAMING.

"NO!! MICK...MICK YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP.... THE GIRLS NEED YOU; I NEED YOU.... I CAN'T...NO, NO! I FUCKING PROMISED I WOULDN'T LEAVE HIM! LET ME GO!!!"

"I am so sorry.... you need to calm down, we are doing everything we can.... we need to get your other daughter out immediately; we will do everything we can to save him and them." Urgent, tearful...apologetic. 

I nearly fucking collapse, as I am led to sit down....and I curl up in a ball and BREAK DOWN.

He can't be gone! Let him come back! Please...PLEASE. It's all my fault. I wasn't THERE the first four months; I had NO clue how much he was suffering mentally and physically. I'd never even thought of the consequences of the night we created our little ANGELS. Our angels.... who I haven't seen or held...and Mick...my ALIEN.... his fears and mine come true, come to light...to dark. I keep hurting Mick.... whether I mean to or not, I didn't want THIS.... a world without him. It took time to see the error of my ways, to realize that Mick had my heart all along and now....my heart is gone.... could be gone....and it's MY BLOODY FAULT.

How the hell am I gonna tell our friends.... our family? How? I sob for a bit, and rambling manage to stumble my way to a phone...barely managing to get the words out, I start with Nikki and...Sixx breaks down on the phone, heart breaking sobs but he says he and Gene and the others will be there, as soon as they can....i barely manage to tell them to hurry and then I wait...wait for them...wait for my heart to come back to me....

EVERYONE arrives in record time, I still haven't heard anything about Mick, or our children and I am such a fucking mess....my thoughts scattered, my heart lying in shards on the floor. No...No, my children.... I am needed. Tears, sobs...from everyone and everywhere all at once.

"I-I.... don't know.... if.... i haven't heard ANYTHING.... i don't know if my daughters are alive...I don't know if they c-can save him....and it's MY fucking fault!" I wave off whoever is trying to comfort me at first, wanting it to be Mick.... needing it to be....and judging by the licorice scent...a shaking and crying Nikki Sixx.

"H-Hey.... Oz.... Mick is too fucking stubborn to die...." Nikki is trying so hard to talk to TRY and make me feel better, but these words make him break down more, him burrowing into Gene Simmons's embrace, one of his hands on my back as best he can. "I-I.... must tell you something.... I don't know if Mick ever did. But, when he found out he was pregnant....he'd felt guilty for even thinking for one small moment that he couldn't go thru with it, he didn't know if he could put your children as it turns out thru that, but he heard they were healthy...Ozzy the ultimate point is he did it because he wanted it, he knew the risks but he fucking did it anyway, because he didn't want to HURT YOU. Because he loved you even if at the time, even if he hated you at least somewhat."

I sigh heavily, laying back closing my eyes a moment before reopening them. "Despite m-my having been a bloody coward when I ran into him that day.... I...well, he risked his life for me, for US.... I've never had anyone do that for me. If.... he lives and we have more children I don't know on one hand if I could put him thru that again, but.... I couldn't deny him ANYTHING, I know how much it would mean to him to give me more children. He loves me...he l-loves me." I break down once more, head in my hands. The hours.... hours pass by no news...no news sure the bloody hell doesn't feel like good news.

No one's talking much, all of us on edge.... they refuse to leave me; I don't want them too.... Still, I'd give anything, I'd give my life to have my beloved life, to have my daughters be ok.

Footsteps sound and I jump up and nearly fall, everyone snaps to attention as a Doctor, Mick's Doctor comes out and is solemn...my heart what's left it feels shatters, shakily I sit down. And they explain....and deliver bitter-sweet news:

"Mr. Osbourne, we got your second born out very quickly under a minute....and Mick we brought him back.... he's alive, though he was technically dead for 3 minutes." He's alive.... he's ALIVE!! "Your first-born daughter and your second are both in the NICU for being premature and are being given oxygen. But we believe they both will be fine."

I exhale raggedly, "H-He's.... Mick is alive? You mean it? And...our children? They will be, ok?"

"Your partner is alive....be aware though...and I hate to say this given the traumatic birth and his spinal issues...he will be asleep for quite a while, very likely weeks. Tests show there is no brain damage. I am so sorry."

"I want to see him...please, I beg you....i want to see him and our children...PLEASE." I cry desperately. Very much wanting to see my loves...my dearest loves.

"Follow me, I'll take you to Mr. Mars."

I manage a nod, and Tommy Lee helps me up....and I say firmly albeit shakily, "All of them are coming with me and I don't give a bloody fuck about rules. I can't do this alone."

The Doctor nods their acceptance and as one they follow me...follow me to my heart and I barely manage each painful step....

Mick, my beloved firefly...my heart is battered...and I know yours is even more so....so bitter-sweet, our girls...our angels are alive my love, they are alive...and you, are in a living death...a coma and it kills me....it kills me because it almost killed YOU. Still that you've done such for me, I can never, and I mean never thank you or finds the words or actions to truly express what you've done for me, for us...what it all means.

Suddenly we stop at a door....it opens in slow motion, and I nearly collapse at the sight before me....

"Mick..." I whispered painfully. Hooked up to Oxygen, looking like death.... paler than normal. Barely breathing.... chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. The heart monitor....is heart is beating....its IS. A sleeping beauty.... a fallen Angel. 

Tommy Lee leads me to sit down, and I whisper a quiet 'thank you.'

I take Mick's hand in mine, it's like ice. "Firefly.... i am SORRY my love...so sorry. I never.... I hurt you again. I love you so much and you've given me so much, more than I deserve. You gave me another chance....and...my love...our daughters are going to be ok; they will be OK. I...I need you.... i need you.... i want to see your fire eyes again." Tearfully I lean over to kiss him, and he doesn't respond.... I swallow another sob.

"We.... all of us are here for you Oz man...whenever wherever.... We're family. I...wish Mick would wake up and call me 'drummer'." Tommy is very shaken, being held by Rudy, and its painful to see in a way, because I cannot fully do that or do that really with Mick. I mean not in the way I want......a strange sound rising above the tears, the beeps of the machine and my eyes widen in realization...my children, mine, and Mick's and sure enough two of the tiniest and yet beautiful beings, little angels are before me, and I am in love....and the tears start anew....

Michelle and Angel, seeing them for the first time.... I wasn't alone, Mick wasn't alone. Even then we had each other, we had our family. So bitter-sweet, so damned bitter-sweet...Mick didn't get to see them the first weeks of their lives but the things I felt upon seeing them for the first time.... i remember every moment, every sound.... still all these years later.

Mick though was not out of the woods; it was touch and go some nights.... but he would pull thru...in the end.

A/N: I am so sorry; I know it's a bit of a cliffhanger and this got me so emotional, and I wrote it. Mick is alive...so are the girls.... but Ozzy is lost, and in the next chapter we will fully meet the daughters of the prince of Darkness and his beloved Alien.