Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 17-The Lonely Heart Break Hotel

"Mick.... damnit.... i.... shouldn't have made you cry!" Nikki states tearfully, frustrated at himself and rubs his baby bump to draw comfort.

"N-Not...your fault Nikki.... not your fault..." I trail off as nausea hits me like a fucking freight train and since I've done nothing but puke, I have a waste basket nearby just in case within reach and yeah....it fucking sucks as I puke for about five minutes, Nikki holding my hair back and after me crying even more so...., "Can you still be lonely with someone with you?" My question is of course rhetorical, cause believe me you CAN. I'm not just referring to Nikki being here, the pair of us...the parallels, still very much broken hearted...no signs from our 'partners' that we know of and now...we only have our unborn children to live for or so it feels.

"Yes, YOU can still be lonely.... you can feel like it. I know...I know here I am once again running away, and I DID check my messages.... none from Gene, course at this point.... I don't know what's going on with him nor do I want to. He knows I'm pregnant, maybe he needs more time...I don't know, he needs to SHOW me signs.... but like you...I lost hope, lost faith in the one that was supposed to love me, that I wanted to love me." Nikki sighs heavily, "They started moving here recently, they move all the time. Now, you should probably try and I dunno eat again, something light and I know damn well you have peppermint tea." Nikki goes to get up, I stop him.

"You need to rest, quit being stubborn and do that kid...." I soften my tone, "I know you're just trying to help...." I then burst into tears, burying my face in Nikki's shoulder, he rubs my back gently.

"Hey...hey, you need to calm down Mick. I know.... I know its hard and this hurts like hell." Nikki murmurs tearfully. And I lay back as I get dizzy, groaning....and I am vaguely aware of shuffling before Nikki comes back with an armful of food, ginger ale for me and crackers. I raise an eyebrow at the armful of food....

"Really Sixx? You've not been here an hour and you've already raided my pantry." I am deadpan.

"Oh, fuck off, I'm hungry." Nikki quips, managing to slowly sit down ok and dig into his goodies.

"Thank you by the way...for this." Softly. Nikki, I think mumbles 'you're welcome' but it's hard to tell with his mouth full of food. So, I eat ginger ale and crackers, I don't feel like trying again to eat actual food, well for now at least.

The both of us soon finish and look at each other like 'now what?'.... It is Nikki, a tearful Nikki who breaks the silence after a few minutes....

"Yeah.... i know I said HIS name.... i forget sometimes not too, I mean.... i still love him. And I hate him, I get this feeling he's been looking for me and I-I know, that I've run away again...but like I said still too much in my own head, I am scared...I am lonely and a single parent or will be. And here you are in the same damn boat. Why doesn't anyone love us? Why doesn't any one want to fucking be honest with us? We deserve BETTER. It's so hard for me to trust....and...and...I haven't even come up with names or...or done anything to prepare for their arrival. I haven't been in the right mind and the tour...that fucking tour first with HIS band and then that BASTARD'S...." Nikki cries trailing off, looking very much spent....and I know just how he feels. "Oh...I-I think, Vince and Tommy are gonna be helping us out....um, with meals and getting you and I groceries.... i hope to fuck its ok they know we are here." Nikki adds on, looking my way petrified.

"Yeah kid.... its...its ok." I murmur, wanting to try and crash....and then there's getting my new roommate settled. "I wanna fucking crash and have a cry fest in my room, not gonna lie. but let's get you settled." Nikki nods, as I carefully despite his protests help him up and help him upstairs with his stuff, stopping along the way until we reach one of the guests rooms, down the hall from mine and I tell him where the bathroom is and I insist on getting him settled before I leave him, despite my own exhaustion and everything fucking catching up to me and then I practically crawl to my room, trudging to my bathroom....and then a nausea spell.

How I manage to get a shower started, I don't know...but I do desperately hope it will help me....and once I step in, the tears come....

What a fucking day.... I knew this was coming and it DOES help that I have a friend here with me....no, a brother and then there's Vince and Tommy....and maybe Rudy and Jake......but.... still lonely.... always and forever alone. How do I even BEGIN to move on? The wound is very much still fresh, Ozzy had the shit beat out of him, layed into....at least MY friends had my back. Nikki, poor kid...is still very much struggling, Gene has searched for Nikki I feel.... but it's not ENOUGH. Gene would have to bite the bullet and go public so to speak....and Nikki, is I believe is what about 4 months now? So much going on for he and I, no fucking room or time to breathe! Maybe.... i haven't even.... it's just too much...

As the hot water continues to cascade over me, me having washed and rinsed my long mane of hair, the raven.... already being replaced by my natural ginger color, I decide to.... well maybe it wouldn't help just me...

I tentatively, slowly cup my little rounded stomach it is filling my palms, and tearfully I begin to talk to my baby...practically whispering.

"I guess...I'm your mother." Those words still sound so strange to me. "B-But.... i am SORRY, sorry my little angel, an angel for this alien.... I am sorry, if even for a moment I had doubts or that I have them. I am sorry I am so scared, that I am SO broken. I am trying...I swear to you, I am trying. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.... i had my heart ripped out of my chest by YOUR father." My voice wavers, "Who doesn't know about you, nor will he. I don't trust him, what trust I had he lost. If he lied to me sweetheart, would he lie to you? I can't let that happen.... I won't. Though too I can't deny I wish...I wish things were different. I PROMISE you; you will be and ARE very much loved. If I must...worse, comes to worse.... i will gladly give my life for yours, so long as you live." I sob.

Eventually I finish fully showering and drying my hair, changing back into my pajamas and the moment my head hits the pillow.... i am out, like a light....and I begin as always to dream, sweet torturous nightmares....

I see the night...the rain falling, those EYES.... Ozzy and I kissing under the awning at that hotel.... then the scene shifts to our first hot and loving night together and then I begin seeing he and I at odds, everything out of order and that night he broke my heart.... this I see more than ANYTHING....

Screams, pleading.... the rumble of thunder, flashes of lightning.... lies being exposed....and then the worst scene of all comes....

I am watching.... how strange it is to see myself lying in a hospital bed.... but it's like something our of a horror movie.... frantic screams, the wail of a newborn baby....and me not responding.... the monitor flat lining....

"No!! No.... You must wake up! She needs you...she needs you!" I scream at myself, and then I notice Ozzy, by my bedside....

"Mick?!! God...I'm sorry! I'm sorry firefly.... I never...please...please my love come back to me, come back to me!!" Ozzy being dragged off practically kicking and screaming....as they rush to save me....and then a miracle, instead of observing.... i AM participating as the monitor stars being after 2 minutes, they nearly declared me dead.... they did.... then things REALLY get bizarre...

I sit bolt upright and speak to Ozzy, "THIS is your fault! You weren't here when I needed you. You could have been here if you'd fought hard enough! Now go...just GO!" and then all fades....

My nightmares this night or day or what the hell ever....no they didn't affect the baby, who I can tell you will be born healthy, what happens to me...well you'll see, I mean you know I am still alive after all....but the point is, that my psyche was fractured it felt....I'd been broken to pieces and my anger, my hurt...my fears my resent at Ozzy, where manifesting themselves in my dreams.

A/N: Heartache, loneliness, nightmares....and Nikki is settled in with Mick. More to come soon!