Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 19-How'd I end up here? Part 2

Nikki and I spent some time in the back yard, but we were BOTH fucking exhausted and somehow we managed to find our way to the living room, and carefully lay down on the couch, armed with 1001 pillows and blankets....so that is where we are now, both of us just want NO need to crash....our unborn children need the rest....so do we from so much more than our pregnancies. and I am feeling nauseas again.... breathing deeply until the spell passes...lost in my thoughts once again.

My back hurts...nothing new, but my disease isn't affecting the baby...no, no...my ANGEL....in fact, I want to name her that. Because SHE is...I feel it in my soul, it's a girl. A girl who sadly will never know her father, I fear she won't. Would my little angel look like me? Or.... Ozzy. No matter how hard I try, I just can't let him go.... because part of him is growing inside me, a product of our union. Conceived in what I that was love when I let GO. The nightmare, that God forsaken nightmare.... every ounce of energy, every thought...my entire being is going towards my child.... if I die, would she remember me? I need to quit being so doom and gloom and move on.... move on....

I feel the ever-present wetness on my face signifying tears, blindly I wipe them away and the nausea finally subsides.... Nikki groans and I panic.

"What's wrong. Is...are they ok?"

"Mm.... yeah, but fuck they wont calm down!" Poor Nikki bursts into tears. I slowly get up, being careful of my stomach, housing my precious angel. "W-What are you doing? Y-You should be resting." Nikki stammers.

"I'm helping you." I state softly, wearily.... a wry smile I can feel gracing my lips asking silent permission from Nikki and he nods desperately as I place my hands on his stomach and speak to his twins. "You two are already stubborn as fuck.... just like your mother. That's not a bad thing, not at all. I have the feeling you guys are restless...let your mommy get some rest huh? And you two are getting a 'cousin', I hope you three will be best friends. Have no doubt you are the light in the darkness, and despite what your mommy is going through.... You are so loved. Now let's get some sleep." I whisper tearfully, managing a smile as I feel them calm and it is at this point, I notice that Nikki is asleep, his sharp and angular features looking more relaxed yet sad even in sleep.

I walk back to my part of the couch, slipping under the covers....no scratch that, I make a beeline for the kitchen and wolf down, some fresh raspberries I had a sudden craving for and THEN I FINALLY slip under my blankets on the couch, as comfortable physically I am going to get and my hands drift to their increasingly natural position, cradling my little rounded belly.

"Hey Angel.... i hope its ok I call you that.... sure, beats baby I think." I whisper. "I hope you know...no I need you to know despite how broken I am, that I love you...that I am trying so hard to do the right things here. I am so AFRAID. Afraid that I won't make it, to never be loved.... I KNOW that's not true, because I have YOU. Now let's sleep huh?" I continue to whisper, gently rubbing my stomach and moments later I give into sleep and begin as every time I sleep to dream....the nightmares returning, but then again with the bittersweet sprinkled in...I dream of my daughter, a little girl that looks like me....but has THOSE eyes, those damned expressive eyes that plague my dreams and my waking hours, HIS smile too strangely enough...

Nikki and I wind up sleeping until night fall as we opt for Chinese take out AND pizza, so sue us we're both pregnant.... i managed to eat some of both.... not as much as I liked, I got sick...ya know again, despite being given something for nausea.... but then in the middle of the night I found myself eating left over pizza....

And by the time Nikki and I wake up again the following day it's the afternoon as the phone rings, me, and Nikki both letting out sighs at the same time.

"Fuck." Nikki mutters.

"I bet money its Tommy. And if we don't answer they will let themselves in." I point it out. Nikki mutters some colorful words, as I sit up...helping him first and then answering the phone just before the answering machine picks it up. "Hello?" My voice is still rough from sleep, my heart sinking and yet relieved it's not Ozzy, seems I am right.

"Mars-Man, thought I'd check in on you and the Sixxter." Tommy's voice is of course like his energy laced very much with concern. At least he cares, he, Vince, and Nikki...Sarzo, Jake.... not Ozzy, I asked Jake and Rudy to not mention anything about me to Ozzy how I am struggling, and I mention too that I don't want to hear about Ozzy. But I found myself telling them that, 'Ozzy needs friends too and I am SO sorry I've caused so much trouble.' Naturally they told me it wasn't my fault, though I still very much blame myself.

"I-I...I.... i mean.... Nikki's fine, we've been sleeping a lot. I feel...I feel like.... This is all my fault. If I hadn't...if I hadn't've...." I trail off desperately holding back tears.

"Whoa Mick, breathe dude, ok? All this stress isn't good for you or the baby. And I take it you mean you blame yourself for the fall out with Ozzy? That you've ruined lives and friendships? That if you hadn't've fallen for him, none of this would have ever happened. That's NOT fucking true Mars-Man, it's not...if anything its HIS." Tommy's voice ranges from concerned, soothing, vehement to anger on the last end. A moment of silence, "I know you don't feel like it and from the sounds of it, neither would the Sixxter...but I am coming over there.... tell some inappropriate jokes, hang out and shit."

I grip the receiver like a lifeline, feeling so guilty....and hurt....

"Tommy, no.... you, you have Rudy and, and all." I protest. Rudy, I admit is a good friend, or has become one, but he too reminds me of Ozzy...

"Mick Mars, your family...Nikki too, and while I am at it, I am ringing Vinnie. Now, Calm down, ok?" Tommy is firm, but gentle.

"I don't...I want.... it's not FAIR, it's not Tommy.... i told Rudy and Jake both not to mention anything about me or the baby to Ozzy....and then, then...I said I didn't want to hear anything about him." I whisper, a hand cupping my stomach gently.

"That asshole fucked you over royally.... ripped out your heart, but you still love him. You love the dude, but you don't trust him and that's understandable. You're trying to protect yourself and now your child.... look we'll be there soon, ok?" Tommy is very sweet and insightful when he wants to be, and I am beyond grateful to have such a good friend. We chat a bit longer, Tommy even talking with Nikki for a few minutes, and they are even bringing burgers and fries (Nikki's Cravings) and Thai Food (Mine).

Nikki and I share a look afterwards and he say:

"I never thought life would turn out this way, but we have the best friends in the world ya know?"

Truer words have never been spoken....

Love Hurts, Love Scars.... The love of family of friends...well it's all I have right now besides my unborn child, my little angel.... every ounce of energy I have is going towards my unborn child, and I fear dying even though I've said I'd gladly so it so my Angel can live. And the guilt, blaming myself for not being enough, for ignoring the signs....

A/N: Poor Mick, and Nikki too...but Mick especially. Next chapter will be a visit from the other half of Motley Crue and then the chapter after that just may see some rumors involving Gene Simmons and Ozzy.... we shall see. Exciting things are in store!