Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 38: Without My Love Part 2(Ozzy)

The Daughters of the Alien and the Prince of Darkness, my daughters who thanks to my beloved Firefly are now before me. How bitter-sweet this is...how broken I am, is this how Mick felt before I FINALLY found the courage to make things right? What am I talking about? Of course, it was, that feeling of loss.... that spark of hope. I know better now exactly how he'd felt although in a different way.

Nothing else exists right now but Mick and Our children. My first born is pointed out to me, she looks to be a mixture of Mick and Myself, but has Mick's natural ginger hair color, I reach out and gently run a finger along her cheek, the tears falling like rain.

"Michelle.... Michelle Aurora Osbourne.... That is your name, my little one. Named after your mother, your mother who...sacrificed so much to bring you into this world." I whisper, Michelle crying.... I hear murmurs about how beautiful my daughters are, and I very much agree. Shakily I turn to my second born, reaching out carefully with my other hand, in my way now holding both her and her sister. "You look.... just like your mum. But looks like you have my lips. You have our hair...such a beautiful auburn....and I would bet ANYTHING you have his eyes, those fire-eyes." I whisper voice cracking before continuing, "Angel.... Angel Willow Osbourne..."

Trying desperately to pull myself together enough as I listen as I am told how to give our little girls, girls so tiny they could fit in each hand...but told how to give them skin to skin first with their mother and then with me.....i don't want to mess this up....I've already done so much damage it feels....carefully me managing to barely to keep my hands steady as Mick's chest is exposed and with help, each little girl is placed on his chest and I swear...they are holding hands. And they start to cry....and I bloody tell you know there isn't a dry eye in this room. They know.... they know something isn't right....

"Shh.... Shh my loves.... i know it hurts, your mother.... we lost him, briefly.... He's sacrificed his life, his health for you both. He loves you so much and has wanted you so badly. He's sleeping and I hope...I HOPE he will soon wake.... open your eyes.... PLEASE." I whisper trying to soothe them, little whimpering noises and their cries are soon reduced to fussing as each little angel opens her eyes....and I gasp. Michelle's eyes are MY eyes and just as I thought.... Angel has her mother's eyes....my little firefly. "Mick.... please.... wake up.... wake up." I whisper voice husky from tears. Mick doesn't stir.... but I notice he's crying in his deep.... almost unnatural sleep.

My love what I have done to you.... what I have done to you....and what you have done for me...for us, I WILL NEVER forget.... Thank you, my love, for doing this for us.

Michelle and Angel spend ample time bonding with their mother, my heart breaks that Mick can't see them...but then they drift off to the sound of my lover's heart.... the heart they heard for 8 months.... that strong as hell heart.

Then comes the moment...where for the first time I hold my girls. I sit down and not giving two shits take off my shirt, Mick has always told me I run warm....as very.... very carefully I am helped with holding both of my sleeping angels who are covered with a blanket....and the others gather round. And I am LOST, lost in emotion. I NEVER in a million years imagined or even thought I'd be a father, but here I am....and I find it's something, that I NEVER want to let go.

"Dude.... your kids have red hair?" Tommy Lee questions quietly. He is one of the newly married couples and lucky him he didn't have to change his last name.

"Y-Yeah.... Mick's hair is naturally red.... a ginger colors." My voice shakes slightly.

"Never knew man. They are so damned tiny." Tommy says quietly.

"Sophie and Nick were small to me when they were born.... this is so fucking bitter-sweet." Nikki is in tears, being held by his fiancée the Demon himself: Gene Simmons. "Genie? W-why did this have to happen? Out of all the fucking people on earth...it happened to him. He's been thru such agony in his life.... I...I..." Nikki breaks down and apologizes to me.

"It's ok..." I whisper. It's not, I mean THIS situation is not fucking ok...I'm not angry at Sixx, far from it, I am angry at me, I swear.... I swear when and if we have more children things will be different next time. Firefly....my firefly, I am lost without you....is this how you felt? The spark of hope...the light, was our children? It was all you had then or so you thought.... they kept you going when I should have been there.... i wish you could see them my love.... i wish so damned bad.

"Nikki.... Jewel. Its not fair...its not. What I know now thru you and what he's told me, he's a stubborn fucker, but that's a damned good thing. He will be ok in time; he knows how much he is loved and missed." Gene soothes Nikki, and the Demon is in tears...truly a sight to give anyone pause.

"I Can't thank you all enough for being here for me.... truly I can't." I state quietly, feeling the onset of tears again....it seems I have an Ocean to cry...., "I hope I will be a good father." I voice one of my biggest fears.

"You ARE." Nikki says matter of factly. This floors me...but I need to hear it.

Holding my daughters close to me, feeling their tiny hearts.... the warmth of them, there is nothing like it....

Eventually the guys, all carefully after having washed their hands hold Angel and Michelle....and luckily during all this, since they were brought into the room pictures were taken because I wanted to show Mick.... It's not the same, but it's something I wanted to do for Him. Time passes by and everyone heads home, I demand to stay HERE...I'm not leaving my lover, nor our children....so a cot and blankets and pillows are brought.

I nearly fucking collapse as they take Michelle and Angel to the nursery.... before they go, I tell the nurses I want to say something to them...as I gently 'hold' each of their tiny hands.

"If you need me, I will come running.... You need only cry, and I will be there. May you dream sweet dreams and know that you are both so very loved and that your mother is dreaming of you." I then kiss each of their little foreheads and the nurses also inform me much to my surprise that they can get milk from Mick meaning our children can get nourishment from their mother...and if that doesn't make me FEEL.

Then they are gone to the NICU nursery....and its Mick and I....and the sound of silence other than the beeping of the machines is suffocating, I can't sleep...as tired as I am.... I know my firefly is much, much more exhausted. Sitting by his bedside, I take his icy hand but not before I kiss him and I talk to him, stammering over every word voice husky.

"They can get milk from you.... i think maybe they collected at some point, I'm bloody well not sure. I imagine if you were awake, that...you'd tell me how weird it is, but then it feels so right.... s sorry. I-I thought you should know.... They took them to the NICU just a bit ago. It KILLED me, this kills me firefly. I am LOST without you....so damned lost. I know.... you wouldn't want me to lose myself, but Mick.... It's hard and I know its that much harder for you, it was for you for so long and I didn't help matters my love. I also shouldn't blame myself.... anyway Mick, I'm not leaving you.... i would NEVER truly leave you my love...my alien. I-I...had pictures taken, thinking you'd want to see them." I break down and sob. "I-I...love you.... I love you....and I am SO proud.... of you and I cannot tell you what you're sacrificing your life, your health for me means. I will see you my dearest one in your dreams and in mine."

I manage to calm down after a while and resume talking to Mick about our daughters...

"Angel, is you made over my darling, she has your eyes and everything, our hair....my lips. Michelle looks like the both of us and has your ginger hair.... that gorgeous hair. I love the black too, you pull that off so well.... i love you in all forms.... but um, they ARE BEAUTIFUL...so tiny, so delicate they can each fit in our hands. I never thought I'd be a father and you are the one who made me a father, you and our children are my world...I hope somehow these words get thru to you."

My talking to Mick was a nightly, daily ritual.... i was broken, like a shattered vase.... I took care of myself not for me but for HIM and our daughters, it kept me going. The weeks that followed were the longest most painful, bitter-sweet.... you name it weeks of my life...

A/N: A very bitter-sweet and emotional chapter....next chapter is part 3 and then the following one after a few weeks...Mick will finally awaken and meet his children and be reunited with Ozzy.