Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 66: Babies from Mars Part 3 (Ozzy)

I find myself outside of my husband's door, the nurse asking if I need anything....i nod no, barely. Because I KNOW I will break down at any moment.

I miss him.... i KNOW he's not fucking.... still.... DEAD. but.... a living death. I miss our children, though I will see them again....

I exhale shakily, desperate to I don't know.... tears slip down my cheeks as I take a deep breath and open the door....and my eyes widen and those tears....those all too familiar tears flow like a raging river as I falter seeing my husband lying before me.

No....no....oh Mick....my Alien....hooked up to oxygen, so many wires.....so still, you are so still....i imagine you are cold....my love...my love I am sorry....so sorry....i never meant for this to happen...

"M-Mick.... Mick...." I can barely see, but somehow manage to find the strength to sit by my husband's bed side, taking his ice-cold hand in mine.... vaguely noting how still deathly pale he is, his chest rising and falling slowly.... if it weren't for the steady beep of the heart monitor.... i wouldn't know.... he is alive...

I break down, sobbing.... sounding more like screams as I lay my head on the bed still holding on to my beloved.

Mick....look what I have done to you.....i am sorry my love.....i shouldn't I know act as if you are dead....but I nearly...lost you for good this time. I fear losing you still. I don't know how I will fare with out the sound of your voice, your smiles that you bestow upon me and our children...our family...those rare priceless smiles.... or seeing your fire-eyes.... those beautiful eyes. Yet darling.... you fucking did this anyway despite the high risk.... the extreme danger you really were and have been in. I will be here my love...I will be here....come hell or high water....can you feel me...the heat from my hand? am I warming you my love? I hope I am....and there is a fourth child you do not yet know of.....

I quit sobbing, still crying....and manage to find words, praying Mick can hear me....no, I KNOW he can. "My QUEEN...my heart.... I.... I miss you so much already.... neither of us, YOU especially deserved this. You've spent so much of your life and especially the last three years sacrificing.... like with the twins, I lost you twice in a way and now...now I came even closer to falling off into the abyss...losing you forever, I feel like.... I've condemned you to a living death. I...am SORRY so bloody sorry....i keep hurting you....and...and...how will I tell you....well I AM now...we had a shock, we've another son my love....we have four....it was four all along. It's a miracle.... you...your pregnancy was one.... I just....do not know my love, how to fare with out you while you sleep......" I sob, soaking mick's ice-cold hand.... desperately trying to BREATHE.

Next thing I know is I find myself waking up....to the sound.....a strange sound....and finally the fog clears from my brain when I realize....and SEE my four new-born children: Johanna, Azalea, Les and Robert. The nurse quietly tells me they need more skin to skin contact with Mick....and I ask questions about how they will be fed, given Mick is unconscious and am told that apparently they have to pump it from him or they have already and I do not recall it happening...but it did. So, they have been fed.... but while I watch over them, murmuring to them as they whine....as they are still developing their little lungs...milk is gotten from Mick.

FINALLY, that all done.... I wash my hands and help with skin to skin with Mick with our children, holding each in turn to his barely rising chest....and the tears start anew.

"Please..." I whisper to Mick, "PLEASE wake up firefly....i beg you....please....see them...see them." I don't bother to hide my tears, my pain. Each tiny child, whines.... whimpers, breaking my heart and I know they KNOW that their mother is not awake...that something is WRONG. Mick doesn't wake...never stirs the entire time with Johanna, Robert, Les and Azalea.....shattering my heart.

After ample time with Mick, the babies are taken back to the NICU.... i break down, as quietly a nurse brings in a cot, with blankets and pillows and an extra blanket for Mick......I enquire after Vince Neil-Lee, whom from what I am told is doing well.....considering....his labor very painful and I send my well wishes and let it be known if they need anything to ask. I mean that too, it doesn't matter what hell I am now going thru, they...WE are family.

Once again, it is Mick and I....I kiss my husband's lips....he doesn't stir....yet I see tear tracks...I brush away the tears.

"Shh firefly...I...I know it hurts. Vince is still in labor....very painful...I...I told them...the nurses...if Vince and Jake needed anything...that I would...they need only ask. I couldn't....do this without them....I.....I....love you...I love you...." I numbly, manage to stumble my way to the cot, moving it as close as possible to Mick....arranging the blankets and pillows and I take an extra blanket and .....very carefully, cover Mick with it...hoping in someway it helps. Still...Mick...ever silent.... ever still. I am exhausted.... but I push past that, knowing mick needs me. FEELING THAT I need to talk to him, for him to hear me.

"I know I need to sleep....I imagine if you were awake you'd tell me to get my stubborn arse to bed to say the least. I can only imagine....i know too Mick if you knew you'd feel guilty as fuck for Vince going into labor when he did...for not knowing there was another child...for being a burden. Mick Mars-Osbourne I tell you now Nothing...NOTHING is your fault. You hear me? Course, I blame me self so much for all this.... condemning you as it were. But I am HERE...I love you.... i hope you can feel that right now.... i miss your eyes so much.... the fire in them...." Tearfully, I kiss him....smoothing back his hair....and my eyes travel down to his still swollen....but far less than it was stomach.

It is....You my Firefly...YOU who are the mother of my Six children....I'd have it no other way....it is here inside you...you grew....at different times our children in your womb....its a miracle. It brought us so much.... brought us joy...and brought us together. This...all of this will make us stronger.....i just hope I can find the strength to get thru this.....but I wont be alone. Course I will have our family.... but even now...here at this moment you are with me.... always.

I carefully climb in the cot and reach for and hold onto one of Mick's ice-cold hands....

"So, I can keep you warm Mick." I whisper. I fall into sleep.... slowly...so slowly.... but sleep I do fall....and of course I dream....

It was the longest....fastest day of my life...that fateful date of March 26, 1987 ironically the day before mine and Mick's 2nd wedding anniversary. For our anniversary was of course spent in the hospital, which when Mick did finally awaken and find out....it devastated him and for years afterward he would apologize....there was nothing to apologize for....he didn't ask for what happened to have happened....and too despite everything in honor of our anniversary I'd had Nikki Simmons-Sixx not only take pictures for Mick...but to draw a family portrait...in fact at that point in time...Sixx had been working on it for a while. I wanted to surprise my husband......

All told my husband was asleep for a month....no brain damage, normal function...at the time cold fucking comfort....it was the hardest, most bitter-sweet time of my life.....

A/N: A very bitter-sweet...emotional chapter. Next will be part 4, perhaps too in addition to Ozzy dealing with the aftermath still...Vince and Jake's daughter shall make her appearance.