Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 22- Lovers Talk Part 1 (Gene Simmons POV)

if it wasn't for LOVE, Love that I denied because I couldn't cope or wouldn't cope with the fact that I'd fallen for a man and that man, I left pregnant with my children....the following that I have the opportunity to tell, my past actions STILL haunt me to this day, but there came a particular day when I at last found HIM: Nikki desperate to prove that I DID love him, wanted him...no needed him and no one but HIM and I wanted our children and was desperate to prove I had changed and was changing...finally willing to do whatever it took....

The past, what's it been 5 months have been some of the worst of my life, some of the best and it's MY fault no two ways about it, that things went to hell. I couldn't figure out why the bassist for Mӧtley Crϋe got under my skin, that I was ATTRACTED TO HIM.... but maybe now I see it was more than that. Nikki Sixx became my lover and for some reason I couldn't treat him like I had my past lovers, the '1000's of groupies', I didn't see why. I was more tender, and I didn't see it and then that day, that day we'd kicked his band off our tour, Doc 'helping' things along...using the excuses of 'you'd make more money', 'what if this?', 'how would it look if you were seen with one of them?', he manipulated and lied to me, Doc did...and it was my fault but they day we'd kicked Nikki's band off tour, I'd made the worst mistake of my life as it turns out. I've been so against real relationships, commitment, children, marriage, those things scare the shit out of me...but those tears in his green eyes, the fact that he was SO pale that day....and then I'd heard not long after Mӧtley was thrown on to another tour with Ozzy Osbourne.

My bandmates had begged me to tell them why I was such a 'huge asshole more than usual', why I wasn't myself....and I hid the truth and especially once for some reason I found Nikki, pregnant and with twins, I was in shock that I was a FATHER, or...could be. Its been months since I've seen Nikki, I fed him to the wolves and left him broken and dealing with so much shit on his own. I was wrong, and it took me FAR to fucking long to see that. I after I'd found him the first time, my encounter with him and his guitarist ( both times) haunted me and after the second time, I BIT the bullet and confessed to Paul, Eric and Bruce....Eric surprised me by beating the crap out of me, Paul joined in....him having had no clue, and he brought up he and Bruce were together, Eric had a partner....and we were wrong to have done what we did and that I had to pull my head out of my ass and fix things....but things were tense in our camp, had been since that day we kicked Nikki's band off tour and I had to fix things with them, it was slow going...I became a man possessed trying to find Nikki, I called his place...so many times, went by there to find out he was living elsewhere, I needed to make him see, that I LOVED HIM, THAT I DO, AND OUR CHILDREN....that I'd gotten a start as it were with a nursery everything our children would need....

Which brings me to now: wondering around searching always searching for Nikki, hoping he's ok well relatively speaking, and I happen to pull into a grocery store, but even food isn't enough to make me feel better.... the guilt and pain of what I've put him thru....

I enter the establishment, and for once take my sun glasses off....grief and worry, sadness carved in my face I am left alone, and no one is to blame but me....as I wonder down some aisle, the person in front of me is walking slowly...waddling, and my brain kicks in....that hair defying the laws of gravity, that walk....even if its slower, I'd know anywhere....could it be Nikki?

My heart pounds loudly, tears gather, and I hear him mutter and then see him place a hand on his distended abdomen....

"I'm trying, I know you guys want food.... we're getting stuff for Aunt Mick too, need something besides sweets......" It is Nikki! That voice....

"Nikki?" I croak out, praying he doesn't run from me, he freezes and turns slowly and is in tears, shaking...and time stops and then starts after a seeming eternity....

"G-Gene?" Uncertain, confused.... fear and so many emotions. "H-How...did you find me?" He croaks, cradling his much more swollen stomach. "Y-You.... should go..." Quietly.

"PLEASE...I, I know I don't deserve this....to talk to you...but I am BEGGING." The tears fall.

"Gene.... the last time...I...let you in, YOU left me! Abandoned me when I needed you most! You fed me to the wolves, having to deal with being pregnant, all these fucking rumors.... y-you didn't reach out to me, you abandoned me like my so-called mother, like I was nothing to you." Nikki is worked up, not good.

"I'm not bullshitting you Nikki Sixx...not anymore.... you look exhausted.... just please, give me a chance to make things right, or try.... PLEASE.... LET ME help you...to sit down and rest and...and...I hope to talk."

"I-I never thought.... I'd see YOU cry.... you have no IDEA what you've put me thru but FINE." His features hard, nervousness coloring his tone and I hear what I have spent so long denying. He still loves me.... now I SEE that.

"Thank you." I whispered, tearfully. He doesn't protest as I lead him to sit down and he hands me a list, as I gather what remained and paid for it, least I could do.... I got back to Nikki after, and he looked at me in stunned surprise.

"Y-You.... paid for a-all that?" he asks, amazed.

"Least I could do, and I wanted.... well, I hoped.... that this is a step in the right direction...I find I want to do these things for YOU, because I want too...wait do you have a car?" It just occurred to me.

"No.... i took one, but fuck I am tired...so tired, feet swollen. Mick's out for the day, Tommy and Vince were getting him out of the house.... you...if you insist on talking Gene, I am gonna let you know EXACTLY how I feel first."

"That's fair...more than, I've fucked up enough.... i don't wanna do that anymore." I say, and I SWEAR I see a spark of hope. I help Nikki out to my car, he doesn't protest as I put all the groceries in and quietly, he gives me directions to his guitarist house, the House of Broken hearts as he called it.

"You have NO fucking idea just how much you've broken me Gene...no true idea. My mind is a terrible place to be or was to BEGIN with, you made it worse. I don't love easily...but somehow, I fell for you.... if it wasn't for Mick I don't know where I'd be, my morning sickness was made worse by stress from those gods forsaken tours, YOURS and then as it turns out Ozzy's. I had no childhood, well I had my grandma that was it...my mother was an alcoholic abusive piece of shit, her so called boyfriends hit me all the time and sexually assaulted me! All my damned life, people have thrown me away like trash. I was abandoned and lied to so many times it's not funny. I shouldn't have been left to deal with everything on my own. They kicked and you weren't there, they moved, and you weren't there. I've been so fucked up emotionally, I haven't even begun to...I don't have a nursery, I have some baby stuff from my friends...Slowly, too slowly, I'm TRYING to get better." Nikki trails off spent, sobbing.

"Your guitarist...No..." I shake my head, "Mick Mars, right?" Nikki manages a nod, as I continue to drive. "He made me or tried to get me to see. I know I lied to you Nikki, I didn't know just how much Doc a hand had in manipulating the situation or I didn't see it. When I found you not long after.... we kicked you off the tour, I told you I didn't know why I was there. The truth is I didn't want to admit to myself, it was because I loved you, I LOVE YOU. I wanna earn it, so here I am trying. Nikki, I've never been in love or had a true relationship with any woman or anyone and you're the first man I've ever loved, and I didn't want to see it, I didn't know how to cope...after Paul and Eric beat the crap out of me, I'd told them what I'd done and all. I made a huge mistake and I let you go and its cost me everything."

"So those rumors were true?" Nikki gasps.

"Yes, they were...including the one where I bought baby stuff...I did that for our twins." Words I never thought I'd say in a million years, but it's true and coincidentally we arrive at the house. "Let me get you settled and whatever you need, and I'll put the groceries up...and then...then can I please...let's...get this all out there, I just want to begin to try and work things out."

"Ok, Ok.... we can do that." Nikki states, grateful...hopeful, still so much hurt. But this is only the start...only the beginning......

A/N: I decided to make this into 3 parts for the 'lovers talk', there will be a part 2 from Gene's POV next chapter and then the following POV Nikki's.... but they are beginning to talk, they still have so much to get out there, this is the beginning.... but finally, they are talking/beginning to work things out. Stay tuned for more!