Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 39: Without My Love Part 3 (Ozzy)

Hours pass like days.... days pass like hours and time loses all meaning while Mick sleeps. I think he's been asleep now for over a week, maybe 2. All I know is I miss him, I need him....and every night and day I talk to him, sing to him.... hold him and I never want to let him go. There have been precious moments though, bonding with my daughters.... doing skin to skin, telling them stories, about their mother and I....

Then there have been the bitter-sweet moments, Michelle and Angel getting nourishment from an unconscious Mick, both crying all the while.... wanting their mother to be awake, I have that feeling, and day by day they are slowly getting stronger.... gaining needed weight and are making good progress. I love my angels.... ALL 3 of them more than I can ever say.

There have been nights that have scared me shitless, Mick having close calls.... the heart monitor beeping loudly in alarm, me sobbing fearing losing him all over again...which I still fear.... but he'd pull thru. I am assured that he will be ok, but my heart told me and tells me that when these things happen he's RELIVING every single agony I put him thru and I STILL cannot help but fucking blame myself, and too he could be desperately trying to come back to me....he's fighting even in sleep and I too am trying my hardest to do so, it's hard....but no matter what it takes I will be here. I made him a promise and I intend to keep it.

However, Sixx and the like.... our family if you will have literally forced me to go home to take a hot shower and take some time for myself, in other words every bloody one. They're right though, but I can't.... i mean it feels wrong....to see the echoes of Mick everywhere, and him not physically be there, everything reminds me of him. I feel like too I act as if he is dead, he's NOT.... ITS.... just...it breaks me....and I feel helpless.

It's evening now.....the girls,...my girls have just been taken to the NICU/nursery for their baths, they will be brought back after, and its just Mick and I....my holding his hand, him looking lifeless still, chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm, I wonder if he can feel my warmth....Mick, my dearest firefly....can you FEEL me? My warmth? My heart beats solely for you. Somehow, I know you can, it's been I think 2 weeks.... or there abouts, time loses all meaning here my love.... I...

I am startled, and nearly fall out of my chair at the sound of two highly familiar Birmingham accents....

"Sorry Mate, truly...." Geezer states apologetically. And too there is a double meaning as I know he is also referring to Mick. Tony stands at his side, both he and Geezer have tears in their eyes at seeing the state my lover is in.

"W-Where's your daughter?" I croak, desperate to reign in my tears.

"Oz...I'm holding her." Tony states gently cradling Rose. At seeing my facial expression Tony adds on, "Your kind of out of it, mind elsewhere mate.... understandable.... i truly wish we were meeting under happier circumstances."

"This IS supposed to be happy...I mean.... i am happy I am a father, truly it's something I didn't think I'd loved being or imagined being.... but M-Mick...i-is.... this punishment for my having treated him the way I did. Breaking him? Using him? I-I keep HURTING him whether I mean to or not." My head in my hands trying to breathe, and once more I feel the sting of tears.

A gentle hand on my back.... i tense up, because I know it's not my beloved.... but then relax.

"Ozzy, breathe.... C'mon mate breathe. I can only IMAGINE the pain you are in seeing Mick laying here like he is.... what he's been through the past year especially. You made some big mistakes no doubt, but you've changed.... You finally made things right and I know Mick forgives you. No this isn't a punishment because of how you did him, though I well understand it feels like one. I KNOW you didn't wish this for him, nor wanted this for him. He LOVES you Ozzy, never forget that...even when he was angry at you, even when you broke him, even when he hated you, he also loved you, he sacrificed his life for YOU."

After hearing Geezer's words...those wise words, you'd think I'd feel better.... he is right, but at the time it HURTS...

I calm down somehow because soon my precious little girls are brought back wearing preemie outfits I picked out, Michelle wearing a pale purple onesie that says 'mommies little alien' on it, a tribute to Mick.... Angel is wearing a onesie in a darker shade of purple and is covered with stars. I smile albeit tearfully, the nurse explaining they will stay for awhile before being taken back to the NICU for a while, I am updated on their progress and they are doing very well, no lingering health issues to be expected.

Rose is seeming is fascinated by her 'cousin' if you will, staring from her father's arms....as I carefully hold my daughters in mine, me with my gaze and thoughts on Mick....

Firefly, do you hear us? Do you hear our children's coos, their cries? I believe you do my Queen....my fallen Queen. I miss you so.... i miss you sleeping next to me in the same bed.... i haven't...forgive me for not sharing your bed here.... i didn't want to hurt you.... but I can't deny myself anymore...if I am careful.

Geezer is holding his daughter, him and Tony effectively cuddling her as they in turn all admire the little girls in my arms, who are fussing...restless, wanting their mother. I look at them, their family...and I feel that pang, that mine is here.... but not HERE.

At some point Tony and Geezer hold my daughters, as I hold Rose. They are good with my girls; Tony is a wonderful protective father and Geezer an amazing mother. All too soon their visit is at an end and of course mine and Mick's girls spend ample time bonding with their mother, drifting off to the sound of his heart....and then the rain starts to fall...As I tell myself, if I am careful.... i need to feel my heart.... I NEED TO.

It is Mick and I now, the rain falling in sheets as I gingerly, slowly...and I do mean slowly join Mick in his hospital bed, taking care not to jostle him or any wires and I gingerly take him in my arms, hold him.... shaking, burying my face in his neck and the tears fall.

"Mick.... Mick.... I-I...Michelle an' Angel is doing so damned well.... Geezer and Tony came with their little girl, I don't believe you've officially met her yet. She-she is adorable, looks like Geezer but has Tony's eyes and temper.... I-I wish I could forgive myself for putting you thru this, I imagine you'd argue I'm being a stubborn ass in a way, I wish you'd wake up and tell me that.... I...I haven't slept in this bed ere'..." I pause taking in a shuddery breath and look at his all too still face, "I wanted to WARM you darling....and i...I hadn't wanted to hurt you anymore than I have. I am SORRY my love I have.... I know you forgive me. I know.... Mick, you are my world...my light and my life, as hard as things are.... we will get thru this.... I just miss you my love, the sound of your voice....your laugh, your fire-eyes. I long for you.... i long for you to see our daughters, I LOVE YOU.... i am going to give you the wedding of your dreams, you...only you as I grow old." I sob.... tenderly kissing his lips, it all being so damned bitter-sweet as he is not responding back, or perhaps he does as tear tracks form on his face.

I cry myself to sleep....and I dream of Mick...I dream of us with our children, just the two of us all night long....

A/N: Surprise appearances, bitter-sweet moments, angst....Next chapter another week will have passed and perhaps FINALLY Mick shall awaken.