Shot in the Dark: A Mick Mars X Ozzy Osbourne Story

Chapter 18- How'd I end up here? Part 1

The days pass, and I hardly leave my bedroom except to check on Nikki and eat. That ominous nightmare plaguing me among other things during my waking hours, the hurt and the pain....and the morning sickness. However true to Nikki's word, Vince and Tommy have been by to help and get groceries for Nikki and I, I sent my list...and too they've done what they can to take care of household stuff their reasoning is that Nikki and I shouldn't have to, we have enough on us as is. My question though: How'd I end up HERE? Pregnant, abandoned lied to? Because I LET myself FALL in love or what I thought was love. I wasn't lying when I told Ozzy I ignored warning signs, because I fucking cared about him.... i didn't want to constantly be on his ass, though in hindsight I should have.... I don't know.

I should mention that Sarzo and Jake E. Lee have been by and helping Nikki and I.... everyone worried about us both, especially me....

Which brings us to now, me in bed armed with tea and some cravings and deep in my thoughts....

I am doing what my body tells me, which is a lot of sleep.... which I guess is good for the baby. But then my mental state and how fragile I am...and how fragile THAT is...I worry I am affecting my baby; I mean ok I did get out of the house for an appointment, and I didn't tell Nikki, I didn't want to be a bother...and so far, so good on the baby is healthy, good length and all that. Strong and stubborn, my little stubborn angel. Still, I suppose, no I NEED to get some exercise.... Maybe a walk in the back yard? Or something? I—

Knocks sound at my door, breaking me out of my reverie....

"Mick? Can I come in?" Nikki asks hesitantly, making tears spring to my eyes...not because I think he's afraid of me, he's worried.

"Yeah Kid." Softly, carefully Nikki opens the door and comes to sit on the edge of my bed, well not before I insist on helping him, leaving no room for argument and then I resume eating my cravings and I can sense very much just what Nikki is fixing to ask, his hands on his stomach.

"Why didn't you tell me you left the house for an appointment? I'm.... I'm not mad. I just am worried."

I take a sip of tea and sigh, "Nikki.... I-I just didn't want to be a bother. We're BOTH fucked up emotionally, we're trying but...it's not enough. You have enough to worry about your self Sixx." I set my tea down and finished what I was eating, in tears.

"Mick Mars.... i know just how you feel." Nikki furrows his brows, "Did...Did you wanna jam or feel up to it? Or we could.... i think we both need air maybe?"

"Know what? We'll do both." I shrug, trying to wipe away my tears as carefully I get out of bed...wearing my now normal sweats. Oh yes, that's another thing that I need to mention here: my clothes, since none fit already and I am barely pregnant Nikki took it upon himself to mention it to Vince and since Vince LOVES shopping, he got me the kind of clothes I like and I may have threatened to kill him if he got me pink, I was kidding of course. Still, it did mean a lot to me, and I appreciated it very much. 

Nikki and I make our way slowly to my home practice room or whatever you wanna call it, Nikki does have his bass here and we get to jamming, me hiding behind my curtain of hair....the tears falling once more.....we do this for a little while until I call it quits for now and Nikki and I chat as we make our way to the back yard, mainly about writing songs for a new album as we toss around ideas.

Once out in the backyard it turns to more serious topics of conversation after naturally, I have a bout of morning sickness...me waving Nikki off, as I insist on walking...he insists more for me to sit down as he disappears and comes back with water, him in tears. I shiver....as the nightmare I had comes back to me....

"Mick? What's wrong? Are you...feeling, ok? Do we need to take you to the hospital? Maybe.... i know I'm a mess, but something is scaring you I can tell." Nikki is very anxious.

"I'm worried that my mental state, being SO fragile and broken that I am... that it's affecting the baby, or it could...I sleep a lot when I can sleep.... I've been having nightmares that scare the shit out of me..." I tremble taking a breath to calm myself caressing my little rounded stomach before I continue. "Every night.... every night I see Ozzy and I sharing our first kiss in the rain when he found me....i see us at odds, the night we slept together for the first time....i see the same damn night my world, my HEART ended, and I found out he was married.... Nikki I was already fucking pregnant and didn't know it.... but the one that I fear most, it was like something out of a fucking horror movie, it was ominous....it was like I could see myself lying in the hospital bed, frantic screams.... a wail of a newborn baby, and then...then..." Here I break down, "I DIED...for 2 minutes and I screamed at myself that I needed to live...live for her my daughter. Ozzy was there, him saying he was sorry and to c-come back to him.... then it gets bizarre.... instead of watching myself, I WAS the participant.... i came back, sat bolt upright, and told Ozzy it was his fault, that he wasn't there when I needed him and to go." I feel an arm around me.... Nikki of course. 

Nikki chokes out, "Oh MICK! Mick.... You're not gonna die! Not if I can fucking help, it or the guys."

"N-Nikki...its h-hurts.... I'm...I may not make it thru this, and I don't care...I don't, my baby will live.... they're my little angel."

"I am scared too for myself...I sadly know exactly how you feel. I am carrying twins.... i heard multiples can come early, I don't know what I'm doing.... but...I talk to them all the time.... I..." Nikki freezes alarming me before he laughs and cries both. "Feel this!" I do so...and sure enough, I feel thumps against my hands. I realize how bittersweet this is, but too its very touching. "I-I was wondering when they'd kick! I thought...I thought I was doing something wrong.... hey, you two, you're saying your first 'hellos'.... god.... I wish...I wish things were different, that your father cared...but I promise you, that I will be the best mother I can...and so will your Aunt Mick."

"What does...it feels like? They are moving and kicking? I imagine...that its something else with twins." I admit I am very curious to find out and maybe get more of an image of what it may be like for me, or an idea and I continue to feel Nikki's children kick away.

"It's weird at first.... They are active and stubborn just like their father, like me. But...its...its hard to explain, its weird and its magical in a sense....and them kicking, well its kind of the same in that way...it doesn't start to hurt I think until I am further along. Its.... It's BEAUTIFUL though I think."

I finally take my hands off Nikki's stomach and place them gently back on my own and I find I very much agree with him.

How bittersweet this all is.... i know Nikki will never forget this moment, his children kicking for the first time...and especially because their father isn't here, is missing out and again no words as far as we know from Gene and then.... here I am in the same damn boat, but to me it feels EVEN worse. And tonight......it will be the same old song and dance with my nightmares...my dreams. But, that spark...the little spark....my little angel that is growing with in me is healthy, SHE I know it's a girl, she is healthy and doing well, that's all I can ask for, all I can hope.

A/N: Bitter-sweet, some angst....Nikki's children kicked for the first time....next chapter will be the part 2 to this, so stay tuned!