WangXian Forever Book 9: The Flower Demon

Chapter 22 Healing

Sleep came like a heavy blanket settling over them as they slept in each other's arms.  In the morning, Wei Ying woke up earlier than he would normally; his body was naturally attuned to the time and he knew it was still very early.

He snuggled closer, and realised what had woken him.

Warm lips were pressed against his forehead.

"Lan Zhan?" He looked up to be able to see him better. "Did you sleep at all, my love?"

"Some." Lan Zhan was looking back at him, with hardly any sleepiness in his eyes...

That meant he had been awake for a while now.

Wei Ying lifted up his hand to cradle his cheek.

"Have you...are you still thinking...about last night?"

There was a single nod.

"My love, I-"

"Wei Ying, I never hated you. Never." Tears pooled in those beautiful golden eyes. "I was frustrated, terrified because you wouldn't listen...and then afterwards, your core...I had no idea." His arms tightened around Wei Ying. "I could not understand...why. But I do now."

Wei Ying tenderly wiped his face, under his eyes. He also brought Lan Zhan closer, tucking his head under his chin.

How to say everything that weighed upon his heart?

Every word would cause pain, in the same way that Wei Ying found it hard to hear about Lan Zhan’s punishment, whenever his fingers brushed over those scabbed ridges on his back...the harsh severity of elders who only saw rule breaking...it broke his heart every single time.

"It is enough. It is enough to know that you supported me. I cannot even begin to tell you how much better I feel...about you not hating me."

His soft voice was soothing as it washed over Lan Zhan.

"But now my love, I have another core, a better one. So do you, yours is just as strong as mine. We do not have to think about that time now...there's no point. We said what we said, we did what we did...it's over. And now we get to spend every day together. That's the most important part, right?" Wei Ying kissed the top of his head.

He felt Lan Zhan nod.

Without his guan, without his top knot, he looked so much more vulnerable, open.

"But you still died. I couldn't save you."

Those eight words were like a brand, burning into their hearts.

"I came back. I'm right here, Lan Zhan. Here to stay with you. Please...stop torturing yourself. There's no need. You have to forgive yourself...I know how hard that is to do." Wei Ying choked back a sob. "When Jin ZiXuan ... he fell down right in front of my eyes. I couldn't believe it. His cousin too, I forget his name. And then...my ShiJie...she wanted to talk to me...that's all, Lan Zhan. But she ended up saving me yet again." He struggled to take a clean breath.

"There were two flutes." Lan Zhan said.

He was holding onto Wei Ying like a lifeline.

They hadn't really discussed the past...not like this.

"There were two flutes." Wei Ying confirmed. "At the time, I thought I was going crazy...but there were other people controlling what happened...that night. In that chaos...we were all pawns in someone else's game. My point is, it took a long time for me to forgive myself for things that ended up not being my fault. But ... if I hadn't brought Wen Ning back, those people might still be alive. This single possibility haunts my thoughts. And yet, I cannot bring myself to regret it...because didn't he deserve to live? And who are we to decide something like that? Who gets to live and who has to die?" He stroked Lan Zhan’s hair lovingly.

Lan Zhan listened to his heart beating under his ear. The soft fingers in his hair were calming, soothing over his hurts.

He had no idea that he was still harbouring those old wounds, hurts that had never really healed.

All it took was a child questioning the past...and he had fallen apart.

When had he become so fragile? Or was he always so brittle that a single puff of air could shatter him?

"Not many people get this, my love. This second chance. And this is ours, isn't it? Should we waste it thinking about our mistakes? Isn't it better to accept them and move on? We can do our best, can't we?"

Lan Zhan nodded.

A soft tranquillity drifted over him, soothing and gentle. He began to relax into the warmth of his Wei Ying.

"We can do better." He whispered.

Wei Ying nodded too. He began to hum their song, the melody washing away their pain.

Lan Zhan fell asleep at last, lulled into a deep sleep.

Wei Ying followed after that, hoping that Lan Zhan would finally let go of the past.

The past was only useful for reflection, to ponder on what could be learned...not to beat oneself up with blame.

Once the lesson was learned...it was best to move on.

They could put all of that behind them now.

*********

In the morning, Wei Ying was up before anyone else.

He even managed to go and get breakfast for everyone and then, after keeping the food warm with talismans, he sat down to meditate.

Lan Zhan was still asleep, and Wei Ying was glad about that. Sleep healed more than anything he could think of. Wasn't that the reason things always looked better in the morning? Weren't problems easier to solve in the fresh morning light than during the darkness of night?

And today, they needed to get a move on with looking for whatever Xiannu wanted.

But before Wei Ying could think about that, a warm weight settled in his lap, and thin arms hugged him around his neck. The softest scent of lotus flowers and sandalwood drifted into his nose and Wei Ying smiled, patting Li XiWang on her back.

"Father...I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice cracking. "I shouldn't have asked about the Yiling Patriarch. I didn't know..."

Wei Ying rubbed her back affectionately.

"That's okay, Little Rabbit. It's only natural that you'll have questions about us. Both your father and I...we were ... quite involved with the cultivation world at the time." Wei Ying kissed the side of her head. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Please believe me."

This was nice though.

To be able to sit like this, unintentionally comforting each other.

"How did you meet father?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Ah...that's a lovely story." He said cheerfully. Anything that allowed him to talk about Lan Zhan...was simply the best. "Would you like to hear it?"

"Yes, please." She turned so she was sitting on his legs now and able to see his face properly.

"Your father is a thief."