BE THE CHANGE // BUCKY BARNES X OC

FORTY-TWO

Shuri came down to check on Bucky and thankfully he was given the all clear to go have a bath so I helped him upstairs to our room. "I forget how bloody heavy you are." I grunted as I sat him on the edge of the bath. He scoffed at me, raising a brow and I just poked my tongue at him before I got the water running for him.

He got up carefully, removing his boxers and I for once, kept my eyes down as he climbed into the water, hearing him groan as he sunk lower. "Least yours is hot." I said quietly as I squeezed some of the bath liquid in and sat down on the edge, swishing the warm water with my fingers. "Get in." I looked up at Bucky through my lashes before I snorted.

"Very funny. Enjoy this. After everything you've been through, seriously you deserve it." He moved, and I moved, backwards from him. It wasn't because I didn't want to join him, because believe me I did. It was guilt. I was racked with guilt about what he'd been through, what he had had to do and become and it killed me inside.

That movement on my behalf, I saw the questions in his eyes, saw the pain flash across his face briefly and I dropped back to my knees, grabbing his face. "Don't...it is not because of you." I said quietly, but sternly and he huffed as he pulled his head from my hands. Fuck. "Then what is it? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" He asked gruffly.

"Because I can't fix this." I croaked as I got up, turning from him but he grabbed my hand and I tensed slightly. "Lexy look at me." I heard him say quietly and I inhaled deeply as I turned back around, looking down at him. "Fix what?" He questioned bluntly and I felt my shoulders slump slightly, felt my chest tighten up as I stared at him until I couldn't hold it in anymore.

The first tear fell before I had even registered myself breaking but the moment it dropped from my chin, it snapped. That one tiny thread that had been holding everything in for the last 6 months, it finally snapped under the weight of my emotions and everything came undone. I hadn't had an emotional panic attack in what felt like forever and this, this one was bad.

My legs gave out as I tore at my hair, at my face, dropping so hard I knew I'd probably break my knee's but they never hit the floor, pain never shot up my legs the way I thought it would. No instead I was wrapped in warmth, soothing warmth, liquid warmth. "For once Lexy, don't hold it in, please...let it out, I'm right here, let it out." I heard Bucky say quietly on the edge of my subconscious and I sank into that warmth, into that safety I felt from it and let myself finally unravel.

Hours.

It felt like hours until the screaming and wailing subsided, slowly turning to sobs before I was able to feel the air actually reach my lungs as I breathed deeply and my fingers to stop trying to rip my hair out. I could feel my body again, feel the water against my skin, felt my soaked clothes and the weight they held and I felt trapped again. I tried to relax but I felt like they were dragging me under so I quickly removed my jeans, feeling the freedom on my legs and the weight leave my body as I dropped them over the edge of the bath.

I struggled with the shirt, feeling panic set in again before it simply disappeared and I sighed loudly, dropping back down to that firm, strong and warmth that was underneath me. Apart from my underwear I was naked. The water felt amazing against my body and I smiled weakly as I placed my hands on that warmth, resting my cheek on them.

"Lexy?" I hummed quietly at the sound of my name, the way it vibrated through me and then felt that cool, hard steel against my back, moving gently up and down. I opened my eyes slowly, giving them a second to adjust until they registered where I was and when I tilted my head back, seeing those steel blue eyes watching me with so much fondness I sat back slightly. Bucky sat up, keeping himself so incredibly close to me that it should have felt overwhelming, suffocating but it didn't. If anything it was his overprotectiveness that was grounding me.