The Way I Loved You

Chapter Thirty-Two

A/N
this is a second part! read CHAPTER 31 before reading this!

warning: this chapter contains SEXUAL CONTENT! if you're 12 below, read at your own risk! I DO NOT WRITE PORN— if u want that, there's another app/website to go to :)

ENJOY *wink wink*

Chapter 32

As the rain poured over us, we hurried inside the car, he opened the door for me while water poured over him.

Whatever was in my mind— gone.

Silence was all I heard, and the rain hitting the windshield. We sat there for I don't know how long but it was comfortable— even if it was quite overrated, it was a comfortable silence.

Then I spoke. "I didn't love my life you know?" I turn to look at him, even if it was a glimpse and it was just dim light that was coming through the car— I saw him.

Droplets of water from the ends of his hair. I guess he felt the way I looked at him because his jaw clenched again.

Scared to look at me, afraid that one look from him and I'll know exactly what's going through his head— if only it were that easy to read you Grayson.

I don't know what overwhelming feeling I felt but I had the urge to talk to him. To actually talk to him.

"In high school, I used to dream of being loved like how it always was in fairytales, I guess it wasn't always so good considering that I've been bet on for money." I chuckle sarcastically— I could almost hear pity from myself. "This guy at the time-" I let out a breath, "I gave my body to him thinking it was the only way to tell him he loves me." I laugh at that.

I laugh at how stupid and dumb it was, how anyone would hear this story and all they give is fucking pity, and I hate that.

Just listen to me, Gray.

"Its bullshit," To love, "to love." I pause for a while, "It cuts deeper than any wound— and it turned me to who I am now."

I got so used living with the pain that I loved to hurt.

The rain hitting the windshield filled the silence in the car, and suddenly I was cold— shivering. My heart was pounding, and an overwhelming thought that I shouldn't have told him this.

Then he finally spoke, "I'll take you home." was all he said. Nothing else.

That pisses me off.

After everything I've said and him being the only person I told this to— all he says is I'll take you home? He's never gonna change, his heart will always be cold, he's always gonna be an asshole and he will never let himself change. It's a fucking surprise that I would even expect him to change.

I glared as he drove to my dorm, I sat stiff, and just like him— I didn't show an expression on my face, like I didn't know how to feel. I can play the same shit he does, I can be an asshole too.

It's over and now he's driving me home. There was no point of putting me in this car, why did he have to do this?

I'm so tired. I'm so sick and tired of acting like this, of trying to convince myself that everything's alright because it really hasn't been. I want the support of my parents, especially my mom— all she does is degrade me, and emotionally abuse me.

The voices that implore that I should be doing more. It sucks and everyone thinks my life is so perfect and I'm just a bitch for wanting more— I can never be understood.