Again «ZM» ✔️

Part Thirty Five

Isabelle

It's been a while. It's silent. I still can't fall asleep. Not even in his embrace. I guess too much guilt is eating me up.

"You know, I've fucked up a lot in the past," he still speaks to me like I'm awake, "And it's the first time that I'm not to blame for something so I just... I used that opportunity to feel what it's like to blame the other," he plays with my hair carefully, "I'm sorry it had to be you. But I realised that it feels just as bad for me. All I ever wanted was for someone to forgive me, but no one ever did. Most people wouldn't do it out of spite, but I just... I want to forgive you," he places a kiss on my forehead. Do I answer him? Will he be here in the morning if I don't?

In the end I never answered. I think it's best for him. He had to get it off his chest and now I believe he didn't really want me to know it because he's not here. The alarm just went off and I'm alone in the bed. It's not even warm beside me to indicate that he woke up recently and not left in the middle of the night. I get up and wear my clothes for school. Just a plain shirt and black ripped jeans. Brush my hair and teeth. I take my bag, change the notebooks and books, then leave for school. Gabriel, the driver, is already waiting for me next to the car. He opens the door for me. I get in.

I walk in the classroom. As per usual I look at Harry and then Lilith and Zayn. Zayn's looking at me. I look at Lilith and offer her a smile, but then I sit in my seat. I don't know whether to talk to him or not.

"Drop it, Isa, I know that you know," Zayn starts a conversation. I turn around and give him a questioning face. "Your mother saw me leave. And your loyal butler let me in in the first place," he explains. I smile. He dug that hole for himself.

"I've met neither of them today," I whisper. He frowns. "What? I never get to meet them in the mornings. Only the driver," I shrug. He slowly shakes his head at me. Why is he disappointed in me? I did nothing wrong... In fact, I was ready to be quiet about it.

"You weren't asleep, were you?" he mumbles. I think about it. Do I tell him? He must've wanted to just get it out and never intended for me to hear it.

"My answer depends on if you wanted me to be awake or not," I answer, "If you want me to forget whatever that I heard, I'll do it," I say it, but I don't really mean it. I don't want him to say he wants me to forget it. And for my surprise, he shakes his head.

"But it doesn't mean I do forgive you," he cocks an eyebrow at me. I hum. Now he's being ridiculous. Not to me, but himself. He's fooling only himself. No one else.

"Whatever you say, Zaynie," I can't stop myself from smiling a little. He rolls his eyes at me. I look at Lilith. She also has a grin. "What you grinning about? It's not like you knew, did you?" I ask even though I believe she did know. She looks at him and then back down at her fingers. Her grin doesn't disappear though.

"Lilith!" Zayn hisses, "Did you tell her?" he questions her. She can't stop herself from laughing anymore. Her eyes lift up as she looks at him.

"Lilith, you knew and you didn't tell me?" I ask her, now actually shocked because I thought she would after I literally told her I think I've fucked up way too bad.

"You two are friends again?" Zayn now asks us both, "Why am I not informed about this... Whatever that is going on?" he sounds so disappointed. Lilith is now wiping her tears away from laughter. Oh, at least one of us has a great time!

"I didn't tell her, and Isa, he told me not to tell you. I wasn't going to risk my life by telling you," Lilith begins to answer our questions, "And we talked yesterday. When you refused to come. I just heard what she said about you and I believed she deserves a second chance," she explains herself. I frown, but then I look at Zayn. He's looking at me too, so it makes me look away. I look at Harry. He's also looking at me. I frown. Why are they all looking at me?

"If we count Liam in, it's about to be the third chance and you know I barely give people two chances," Zayn talks to Lilith, "I feel like I'm just letting her hurt me over and over again," he mumbles. I look at him. I've really made him suffer and it's making me feel like I'm not enough for him.

"She couldn't do anything about Liam, so it's only the second," Lilith defends me. I look at her. Why is she trying to even get us together? Why does she care?

"It doesn't matter. It still hurt him and I'm not even blaming him for it. So it's third," I say. I'm probably making it worse for myself, but I have to be honest if I want him to give me another chance.

"Thank you," Zayn quietly thanks me, "And fine. Break my heart fully. I let you do that," he tells me. I pout at him. It sounds so cruel when he says it.

"I'm sorry," I apologise. Possibly even in advance. He nods and opens his arms for me. I smile and immediately get up. I go to him and am about to hug him just like that, but he pulls me in his lap. His arms wrap around me so tight. "I'll try not to though. You're a real sweetheart," I tell him. He chuckles.

"Oh, don't you dare. It's very expensive," he answers. He leaves a kiss on my temple and weakens his grip so that he doesn't crush me. I lie my head down on his shoulder, not leaving his lap. It's comfortable and I can be closer to him. Also, if we ever get in another argument, I'm never going to have this again. And I'm gonna miss it. And I'm going to die without this.

"You two are way too cute," Lilith says and picks up her phone. She snaps a photo of us and then grins as she taps on her phone for quite a moment. When my phone vibrates, I know that it's only two options. She sent the picture to me or she posted it and tagged me in it. I check. She posted. I open her story and smile. It's really beautiful. I repost it to my story and put the phone away. I look up at Zayn to see his reaction. Yet he's not surprised. I guess that's because he's used to her and what she does doesn't shock him anymore.

"Thank you," I whisper, "For everything," I add. He grins. I don't expect him to do it so it surprises me that he gives me a kiss on the lips. It's a brief one, but well appreciated and shocking. Well, I guess we're back on being so close that we're giving kisses on the lips. Honestly, it's an upgrade. And I love it.