Again «ZM» ✔️

Part Thirty Seven

Isabelle

   I carefully watch as Zayn stands by the table and taps on his phone. He's shirtless, only in his jeans. I admire his tattoos. They're all making me wonder what the meaning is. But each one of them look unique. I note to myself to ask him one day about them.

   He puts down his phone and turns to me. His eyes scan my whole body, I can see him mentally undress me. I get up from the bed and undress myself since we're about to go to sleep. When my jeans are off, his arms wrap around my waist and he kisses my neck. I open my mouth to speak, but he places his hand on my mouth to stop me. It confuses me, so I frown.

"Don't mention virginity. You know me and my past," he whispers next to my ear. I grin. That's not at all what I wanted to say. His hand leaves my mouth. I feel a little bit in a mood to tease him.

"Oh, sure. You really want to lose it today?" I can't stop myself from laughing. He pulls me closer to him and sighs. "What? For a moment I actually forgot. You just reminded me," I giggle. He turns me around and lies me down on the bed, getting on top of me. He's quiet which kind of scares me, but then again... I'm not afraid of him because I know he wouldn't hurt me. I believe that he wouldn't.

   He takes off his jeans as well as his boxers so now he's completely naked. He asks me if I'm on the pill and when I say I'm not he takes a condom. For a while I thought he wouldn't ask. That he wouldn't care about it. Because somehow he got his ex pregnant and I have no clue how, but it means he wasn't using protection. Or it broke. I look down at him and watch him put it on. When he looks up at me, he immediately gives me a kiss.

"If you have any doubts, just tell me. I wouldn't ever want to force it on you," he quietly tells me after he pulls away from the kiss. I think about it, but then I just smile. He's such a sweetheart. I pull him in for another kiss. He slowly takes off my panties and when they're down he pushes in me without a warning making me gasp.

   I remember. I was really out of it, I was drunk. We had sex. It wasn't forced, nothing like that... But that's the reason why Liam and I couldn't work it out anymore. He knew I cheated on him and he didn't tell me. He took all the blame. And now I just regret it all. But I don't show it. I bite my lower lip, returning back to the moment. He's looking down at me. He noticed. I know he did.

"I'm not doubting it, Zee," I whisper to him. He frowns and begins to move a bit faster. I let out a quiet moan. He kisses my cheek. Damn it, I know how to fuck up, don't I?

"What happened?" he whispers to me, "You zoned out for a second," he frowns. I wrap my arms around his neck and let my hands loose in his hair. It's not the best time to talk, why is he doing it? I want to pull him in a kiss, but he places a finger on my mouth and shakes his head slowly. He slows down and removes his hand from my mouth, moving it to my clit to put some more pressure. I arch my back.

"Just memories," I tell him. I'm not lying, so I don't have to fear he'll figure out I'm lying. I moan out his name. I try to pull him in again and this time he lets me. Our lips collide and this time it's more heated than before. He's getting more eager. Our moans are now muffled and quieter. I feel myself getting closer to the edge as he keeps his slow pace. He removes his hand and brings it up to our faces. He pulls away. For a second I think he's going to make me do it, but he licks his finger. And I watch as he does it. Fuck, it only makes me wonder how good it would feel if he went down on me. He kisses me again, making me taste myself from his lips.

"Are those memories of someone whose name I will not say while we're having sex?" he asks in a low voice. It makes me smile. He means Liam. And probably about what Liam did to me against my will. I shake my head.

"Of us. In Las Vegas," I answer. He quietly swears. With each next thrust it's getting harder for me to hold it in. And I then get it. He's close. Holding for me. He grabs my thigh and presses it firmly against his side.

"What do you mean? We barely talked," he barely gets it out of him. I open my mouth to answer, but I can't. He kisses me to stop me from moaning out loud as I finish. He slowly stops and then, after a few more thrusts, he pulls out. He slowly gets up from the bed. Breathing heavy. He removes the condom. I can't stop myself from checking if the condom didn't break. When I see it didn't my heart calms down a bit. He disappears in the bathroom. I get up and take off my bra. Even though I'm now tired as hell, I follow him in the bathroom. When I enter, he's holding on the sink with his head dropped between his shoulders. I wrap my arms around his waist and leave a kiss on his back. Then I press my cheek against him.

"We didn't talk much. But it's not the first time we had sex," I answer his question, "Is everything alright? Do you regret it?" I fear to hear him say yes. He's hesitant to answer which already is a sign of that. He just doesn't want to hurt my feelings now so he's trying to find a way to let me down slowly. "It's completely fine, you can tell me if that's the case," I pull away from him. No matter how much I try, I can't hold back tears. I leave the bathroom. I get in the closet and wear a robe to cover my body up. I really hoped he'd follow me out, but he didn't bother. I wipe my tears away. I stay here for a minute to force myself to stop. When I'm positive I won't break down when I exit, I do so. He's now out of the bathroom, in his boxers.

   I expect him to leave me here alone when he suddenly begins to walk closer to me, but he stops in front of me. He cups my face.

"I don't regret it, Isa. But I know you do. Maybe you don't even want to admit it to yourself, but I know that you know it's what ruined your relationship with Liam and you regret it," he tells me, "So please, be honest to both me and yourself. Are your feelings for me enough to make the past not matter?" he questions me. It stings. And it stings a lot. The tears that I thought I forced to stop came back, but now even worse. I press my head against his shoulder and wrap my arms around his body.

   And the fact is that it doesn't matter. Liam. He doesn't matter. Not anymore at least. It's only Zayn who matters for me most.