GRACE
I feel unwanted after receiving those words from them. I can't believe it. I've never thought they are just pretending. Who would think? They're showing to me their kindness, the happiness, and the memories. But all of those were just a lie. A lie that I believe for a long time.
Right now, I'm walking in the lonely road. Only the noise of the vehicles can be hear. They didn't know I already know. And I think, they will keep pretending and lying to me.
Wipe the tears almost rolling down in my cheeks. Shouldn't cry for them. They are not worth it of my tears. Are they really not? Maybe, no. Maybe, yes. I don't know. I want someone to talk right now. Someone can lend and someone shoulder. I need someone accompany and presence. From a someone who truly cares for me.
The only left person I cared and I think still love me is my boyfriend. Honestly, I'm starting to doubt all of his action. What if his just like them? Pretending to be good and love me? What will I do?
Never stop walking. I decided to call him. I wanted to hear his voice. I want his presence. I want his care. Right now. As the call keep ringing, my eyes starting to get watering. I tried to call him a lot of times. But all of those calls are unanswered. He did not pick up my calls.
Can't help but to let my tears fulfill in my face. Seated in the corner of nowhere. I buried my face in my two palms and silently crying. I'm feeling hopeless right now. And yet, nobody wants to help me in the down side. How can they be cruel?
Suddenly, my phone ring. I thought my boyfriend call me back after seeing my missed calls, mayhaps. But I was wrong. Unknown number flash in screen. Automatically wipe my tears. Clean my face. Cleared my voice. Then, answer the calls.
"Hello? Who's this?" I'm happy to get able not shattered my voice. At least I can make my voice normally sound.
"Grace, it's me. Arabella. I'm sorry if I did not able to pick up your calls earlier. I was so busy and my phone is on silent. So, what's the matter? Is there any problems? Where are you?"
After I heated the truth earlier, I called her first before I decided to call my boyfriend. Just like him, she did not pick up the calls. Yet now, she's calling me. And she sound.....worried at all.
"Nothing. Nevermind. I already change my mind. Sorry for the disturbed." Pinilit na huwag mautal o mag-iba ang aking boses. Malalaman niya agad na may mali. At ayokong malaman niya na meron nga.
"Are you sure?" I just answered her a "yes" and bid a goodbye. I don't want to disturb her right now. After hearing her explanation she is busy. Why would I bother to give her another problem to be more busy.
Pinipilit kong huwag nang umiyak pa ulit. Cause they are not worth it of my tears. Kahit gustong-gusto na humaba ng mga luha. Agad ko rin itong naaagapan. I shouldn't crying. I should not.
I breathe deep. Compose myself to calm first. But after I did that. A scenery pass on my mind. The reason might his not picking up the calls. We had a fight last night. A small fight. But he started it first. Yet, fresh in my mind.
"Why can't you just understand me first, Grace. Will you?" Frustration is written all of his face.
"Understand you? How can I understand you if your way is not right? If your way is can hurt me a lot?" I can't totally understand his point. He want to do an action which can hurt me at the end. Is he really thinking right?
"Do you know why it can hurt you?" I stun in his question. Now he have a guts to question me. How dare he?
"Because you created a scene in your mind which could truly hurt you." Pointing my head harshly. Mabilis kong inalis ang kamay niya.
"Wow. Just wow. So, sinasabi mong ako talaga ang may mali rito?" Gano'n ang pagkaka-point out niya.
"Exactly. Kung kaya mo lang sana akong intindihin, hindi tayo mag-aaway ngayon. Ano ba kasing mahirap kapag sinabi ko sa'yo kailangan kong gawin 'yon dahil kailangan ko siya para pumasa? Is it hard to understand?" He had a plan to point out his finger on me again. But didn't let himself continue his action.
"There's nothing wrong about. But you know what's wrong? You're way is not right. Kasi kung gagawin mo 'yon parang niloloko mo ko."
Sino ba naman papayag no'n? 'Yong boyfriend mo hahayaang mang-akit ng ibang babae para lang matulungan siyang pumasa? I admit I can't help his academic. Unlike to the girl his referring about because they are classmate. And he so much know my level of insecurities to that girl. And now? Gagawin niya sa akin 'to? Kung ang ending ay parang magiging sila sa mata ng ibang Tao. Sa mata ng ibang students. You can't blame.
"You don't trust me. Cause if you did, you will never doubt me. Try to understand, Grace. I love you in my life. Perhaps, I need her to pursue my career. Saka na lang tayo mag-usap kapag maayos na 'yang utak mo."
With that, he left me in the edge. 'Yon lang? 'Yon lang 'yong assurance niya sa akin para 'yong doubt ko sa kaniya. Puwes hindi sapat 'yon. I need more assurance.
Thinking about the fight, I can say he purposely ignoring my calls. Pinapataas niya ang kaniyang pride. Gusto niyang intindihin ko siya. Pero ako hindi niya maintindihan. Sabihin natin. Valid 'yong reason niya. Pero valid din naman 'yong reason ko. Mali ba na mas gustong makatanggap na mas mataas na assurance sa kaniya? Ano 'yon? Hanggang doon na lang 'yon? Hindi na siya gagawa pa ng ibang paraan para mapawi yong pagdududa ko sa plano niya?
"You need her. But not thinking I might need you now."
YOU ARE READING
AS #2: Need You Now
Teen Fiction"Don't love someone more than yourself if you don't want to break yourself apart." Grace raise believing that motto in her life. She find it lame when someone being so much crazy over love. Just because the reason that they need the man for their li...
