Gravity Falls X Reader

Dipper vs. Manliness

"I like to get my Christmas shopping done early. Do you have anything that's in the spirit of the season?" Tyler asked. "Uh, how about these crystals?" Stan puts a bowl of "crystals" on the counter. "Ha ha! Looks like broken glass." Tyler said. "What are you, a cop?" Stan asked. "Ooh! What is that new thing?" Tyler asked. "Grunkle Stan?" (Y/n) asked. "Can we go to the diner? We're huuungry." Mabel said. "Huuuuungry." Dipper said. (Y/n), Dipper and Mabel hit their stomachs against each other three times. "Yeah, sure. Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind." Stan said. Tyler points at a fur trout. "Do you have this in another animal?" He asked. "I'm fine locking him inside if you are." Stan said. 

(Y/n), Mabel and Dipper nod eagerly, Stan has clumsily locked Tyler in the gift shop. "Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt, panther shirt. Puma shirt... panther shirt." Meanwhile, at a restaurant, the waitress hits a woodpecker with a broom. "Shoo! Git!" She hits a beaver in a hole in the floor. Stan, (Y/n), Dipper and Mabel enter. "Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!" Old man McGucket said. The quartet walk by McGucket, Wendy and Manly Dan as Sheriff Blubs is eating pancakes very quickly while Deputy Durland points a speeding device at him. "Go! Go! Go! Go!" Deputy Durlan shouted. Lazy Susan walks up to the table. "Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?" Stan asked. "I got hit by a bus!" She replied. "Ha ha ha ha! Hilarious!" Stan said. "Thank you. Ha ha ha ha hee hee ho ho ho." She said. "You do split plates, right?" Stan asked. 

"Maybe... " she makes her lazy eye wink. "Wink!" "Great! We'll all split a one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the ladies, and a small plate of ketchup for the boy." Stan said. She writes it down and walks off. "But Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes!" (Y/n) whined. "With the fancy flour they use these days? What am I, made of money?" Stan asked. A piece of money shows out of Stan's sleeve. "Tap tap." Stan taps it back in the sleeve. "Aw." (Y/n) said. Dipper looks over and sees the Manliness Tester. "Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me. I'm gonna win some by beating that manliness tester." He said. "Manliness Tester?" Stan asked. "Beating?" Mabel asked. "Guys..." (Y/n) said to them warningly. Then the two burst out laughing. "He says he's... he says he... 

HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Stan laughed. "What? What's so funny?" Dipper asked. "Oh, no offense Dipper, but you're not exactly "Manly Mannington." Ha ha ha!" Mabel said. "Hey, I am too "Manly... Manny" or whatever it is you said." Dipper argued. "Look, face the music, kid. You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's... "incident." Stan said. "You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation "BABBA"?" Mabel asked. "No. Heh heh, I wasn't. It's not important. Look, come on guys, I'm plenty masculine. You see this chest hair?" Dipper brings down shirt, to show his chest and it shines very brightly. "Put it away, put it away!" Mabel shouted. "So smooth! My eyes!" Stan shouted. "GUYS!" (Y/n) shouted at the two angrily. The two burst out laughing again.

"Fine, "family of little faith." Get ready to eat your words." Dipper gets up. "And a plate a delicious pancakes." Dipper walks toward the manliness tester as other people eating watch. "Alright, Dipper. Time to manhandle this...man handle..." Dipper stares up at the machine and starts sweating. "And a one and a two..." Dipper said. "Quit stallin'!" Stan shouted. Dipper starts tugging on the handle and the light starts moving toward the category he belongs in. The categories are "wimp," "middle-aged woman," "barely passable," "man," and "manly man." Dipper keeps on pulling the handle until the light goes down to "wimp." A card comes out of the machine that says "You are a cutie patootie!" 

"Oh no..." (Y/n) whispered. "Oh, what? This thing must be broken. It's totally broken, guys. It's like a million years old, probably ran out of steam power or-" Dipper said. Dipper gets pushed out of the way by Manly Dan. Manly Dan cracks his knuckles. "It's rickety man, you shouldn't even-" Manly Dan pushes on the handle with his pinky and the machine automatically goes to "Manly Man" before exploding and giving everyone free pancakes. Everyone at the restaurant cheers. A pancake falls on Dipper's head. Mabel and Stan laugh at Dipper. "Yes! Pancakes for everyone!" Dan shouted.