Overdosed

Chapter 18

"And when you lost your dad , Jordan... how did it make you feel?" Dr. Charles looked up from her note pad.

Jordan sat on the black leather couch opposite of him. Leg bouncing as he crossed his arms. A technique that Dr. Charles pointed out on the very first day. A self soothing technique to comfort himself. He had talked about his dad but it was vague answers. It was always vague responses and not much detail.

"Jordan?" Dr. Charles got him to look at her.

"Hm?" He hummed , blinking.

"This is a safe space."

She could say that until she was blue in the face. His safe space was outside of these four walls. She was likely reading a magazine and giggling at the dumb articles. She told him to have a good session and kissed his cheek. Simone never came in , she respected his privacy , his story. She was part of his story.

"Simone is the good part. Y-You asked what was the good about my life and it's her. She's the best part of my story. This isn't a safe space. My safe space is her but I can't weigh her down with my burdens because that's not fair. You're the professional." He didn't mean for it to come out harsh but he needed to switch the subject.

"So tell me more." She opened the floor even if it was just the two of them.

"She is the best part of my life. Liv and my mom are important but Simone..." he paused.

"Take your time, slow down. It's okay."

His fidgeting didn't stop.

"I thought about what life would be like without her. When she moved to London, I wanted to move on but I couldn't. My best friend was gone. It felt like she died like my dad because she wasn't physically around for me to touch and hold. I was... used to that." Jordan responded softly.

Maybe he was being selfish and stingy at the time. However, she was an important part of his teenage years. The first kiss that was important, the first girl he felt like his heart was outside of his body for. The first person that made him feel wanted and secure.

"And how did her leaving effect you?"

"I went right back to Harper. Which I shouldn't have done because all I did was compare the two. Harper wasn't anything like Simone. I tried to make it work. I wanted to make it work but all I wanted was my best friend back. All I wanted was Simone. Which is why I had to let her go. The relationship couldn't exist with her in a whole different part of the world."

"Is that why you accepted Harper's proposal? To forget?"

"I know, it sounds so stupid. Spencer and Olivia already and been made that clear. I mean I guess... she wanted me. I didn't really want her but she was there." He admitted.

"And how was your relationship with Harper?"

"Draining."

Jordan didn't notice it right away. He tolerated it and he tolerated Harper. She was around and Simone wasn't so he fell back into his old ways. When all he did was think about Simone and crave her in the worst way. Sometimes it felt wrong to miss her in the way he did. It sometimes felt unbearable.

"It was like when Simone left, I left. I couldn't function without her. Which sounds sil - " he paused.

"It doesn't sound silly. It sounds like love."

"Yeah... I'll agree with you." He nodded with a soft smile. He never knew it was possible to love someone as much as he loved his sisi

"Jordan Baker agreeing with me for the first time ever. This is an accomplishment." Dr. Charles clapped making the nineteen year old roll his eyes.