Chris Schistad - Couldn't Ever

18

Tuesday, 3:25 pm

"I told Noora about this. She didn't quite get it"

"I also talked to William about you." Now he was the one traveling with his hand on my back. He hugged me, to pull me closer to him. "I don't know if he understood it, either."

I exhaled exhausted. "I didn't know how to greet you today after school. Do we hug, kiss or just wave or...?"

"I was just as confused. What do you want?" He relaxed his head on mine and held me close. I held one hand under my head and the other against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.

"I don't know, maybe... maybe we could hug. I don't want to scare the other girls away from you. If they think you're in a relationship, some of them might give up."

One missed heartbeat. His breathing changed and he was quiet for a moment. "You're right."

This feels strange somehow. "What do we say if someone asks what we are?"

"I don't know. What are we exactly?" He asked.

I wondered that myself. 'Hookup-partners' didn't seem to really fit.

"Strangers basically." Another missed heartbeat. "You don't know anything more about me then you know about any other girl you hooked up with. Same goes for me."

I felt him nod against my head and I saw him swallowing. "I'm just a girl on your best friend's girlfriend's bus."

I was thinking. That was way too complicated. "How about... 'I'm tutoring her' and 'He's tutoring me'? That's easy and the truth."

"It says nothing about us."

"That's the whole point." I explained and he agreed but I knew, he wasn't really convinced.

After a short silence he asked: "So no kissing in public? Not at all?"

"We can make out on parties. But we don't do the things that couples do." He draw circles on my back. "Like what?"

"Like going on dates. Kissing to say hello and goodbye or touching in public. We can't hold hands and you do not stare at me."

Missed heartbeat. When he didn't say anything, I tilted my head to see his face. The was no emotion on it. "Okay?" I asked and he nodded.

He let go of me and told me he just needed to go to the toilet. When he was in the bathroom, I was trying to interpret his actions. He's acting hurt and I really do not want him to be.

I would never want to hurt anybody of course but especially not Chris. If I was able to hurt him truly, then Noora was right. He cannot like me, cause I would never trust him enough to get in a relationship with him.

I packed my stuff and got dressed fully.

I don't even know anything about him. Like how come, he is always alone in this fucking mansion? Does he have siblings? What are his parents like and what music does he listen to? I don't know anything about him and he doesn't know me either.

You cannot crush on someone you don't even know. He probably doesn't have a crush on me anyway. No need to stress.

He was just walking out of the bathroom when i put on my pants.

"You're leaving? Don't you want to go over chemistry at least one last time before the exam tomorrow?"

"Not really. I've got some other stuff to do anyway." I lied.

"Oh yes? Like what?" He asked curiously.

I smiled when I walked over to him, got on my toes and kissed his lips as I said: "Questions are for couples." He held my back before I could leave.

"Common, stay. One more study session?" He asked. I shook my head. "No I really can't. But thank you for helping me again!"

He loosened his grip. "So see you tomorrow?"

"Can't, I've already planned stuff." I said truthfully.

"Thursday?"

"We'll see each other on Friday. If you want me to, I can come to your house to get ready for the party." I suggested. I think I needed a little space. Just because of our... thing, we don't have to spend the whole week together.

"How about school? Should I sit with you or ignore you in the halls?"

"Better if we don't know each other in school."

He nodded. "Okay, stranger. See you whenever you're free."

Then he passed me, sat down on his bed again and got on his phone.

I was staring for a second but left without saying anything else.

I was just outside when I saw Robin. He smiled when he saw me and I walked up to him.

"Hey Carla, what are you doing here?" He looked back on the house. "Chris is tutoring me because some of my grades dropped this year, so..."

"Oh okay." He didn't look like he believed me. "Well, where are you going?"

"Home, and you?"

"Uhm same actually. But I live right around the corner. Isn't Chris driving you?"

"He's busy I guess. It's fine tho, I have a bus ticket."

He laughed. "Ain't no way, I'm not driving you, Carla. My car is parking at my house obviously, so if—"

"Hey Carla you—" I heard Chris yell. He stopped abruptly as he saw me and Robin. "Oh hey." His voice immediately dropped.

"What's wrong, Chris?" I said, trying to break their staring contest or whatever.

"You forgot your laptop." He handed it back and asked "What are you guys talking about?"

"I was just offering her a ride home." Robin smiled fake.

"I can drive her" Chris now suggested. He was acting weird, like a jealous boyfriend.

"I can walk, really. I actually want to take the bus. I don't want this ticket to not be used at the end of the month, that would be a waste of money, you know."

"Common please let me drive you.", Chris looked at me. Now he wants to? Just because some other guy offered it? No, I am not having that.

"Aren't you too busy to drive your girlfriend back home?" Robin provoked.

"I am not his girlfriend." I clarified which made Robin smile. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry."

"Carla please let me drive you." He tilted his head to the side, pleading.

Both of them looked at me expectingly.

I didn't really want to take the bus. I hugged Robin and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, thanking him for the offer.

"Get the keys, Chris." I said. The way he looked at Robin when I was giving him a friendly kiss was unbelievable. I just did that as a test. He failed.

Then I sat down on the stairs of his front door. Chris was getting the car keys and I sat down on the passenger seat as soon as possible.