Chris Schistad - Couldn't Ever

41

Saturday, 10:40 pm

"Can you tell me something, honestly?" I asked Eva. We've walked around for a while and she talked a little about Jonas and her.

To shorten it, they were close again but they agreed to keep in on the low. I felt happy for her but I couldn't bring myself to cheer with her completely.

"Of course, what is it?" She asked.

"Have I been a bitch lately?" I asked and she looked at me in confusion. "I mean, I haven't really been a good friend, I always hung around Chris and I just feel like I haven't spent enough time with you in the past few weeks."

"No of course not, Carla. I mean it. You know how we were worried about Noora in the beginning of the relationship with William? It's normal, I bet I was weird, still am, when I am with Jonas. In the beginning of something, it's always intense.

It was the same with Noora, Vilde, Chris and Sana. It happens and that doesn't make you a bad friend. You're still my best friend, Carla." Eva said and I smiled with a tear in my eye.

We sat down on a fallen tree and looked at the lake.

"I know, I shouldn't think this and I really love her, but I'm glad that Noora didn't come with us. It's just that I feel bad because I think she really started to like Chris as a friend and I kind of ruined it. Now every time I'm with her, I feel like I've ruined the friendship and took it from her."

"You didn't. Chris did. He fucked up. Everyone knows that if you fuck with a girl's heart, you've fucked with her friends too. And Carla, I know you mean best by saying that we don't need to pick sides, but...

It's really hard not to, to be honest. Looking at it, not just as your friend but as a neutral person, maybe even as Chris friend, it has the same outcome all the time. He is in the wrong and you aren't.

To be honest, you guys seriously needed to talk more anyway, that's why I think both of you are crazy, but—" we both laughed.

"It's just that both of you made mistakes and couldn't express your love towards each other right, but he was the one fucking everything up."

"He doesn't—..., I don't—, we don't—.... Neither of us—"

"Oh come on now, Carla. We're past that, don't you think? I get it, when you say you're afraid of your feelings and you don't want to call it love yet, but don't deny them. It has gotten unnecessary, because you and I, and actually nearly everyone else, know that you both caught feeling for each other.

And yes, it's scary but it happened. I can't tell you what to do, and I won't say that you should forgive him, but I won't say that you shouldn't either. If you want my opinion— I think you should have one more talk."

I laughed helpless. I knew that she was right. I've fallen for him. "What would I even say to him? I-... can't just say something like "Hey Chris, fun fact, I have feelings for you, but you broke my heart, so now I have feelings for you and hate you at the same time."

"Why not?" She smiled and hugged me from the side after I rolled her eyes. "As long as you tell him what you feel, even if it's just an 'I hate you' or 'I love you', it's important to communicate that."

I kinda laughed. "Funny how you of all people give me advice on how to talk to the person I love." I rose my eyebrows and smiled at her.

"I don't lo—"

"'Oh come on now, Eva. We're past that, don't you think?'" I said smiling.

"I hate you." She leaned her head on my shoulders. "No you don't" I said. "No, I don't."

We've realized that it got super dark about an hour later, so we barely saw anything. We've talked so much and I caught up on her drama the past few weeks. The way she and Jonas have been moving back and forth in their relationship.

"I think we should go back, don't you think?" Eva suggested. "It got pretty dark."

I agreed with her, so we put the flashlight of our phones on, as we tried to find our way out of the forest, back to the house.

We talked on our way back about how she'll talk to Jonas and I will try to talk to Chris. She was right, and I knew it. I needed to talk to him to make peace with myself. When my phone battery died, I got kind of scared.

"Shit." I murmured and slapped my phone as if that would help anything. "I only have like ten percent, as well" Eva said. "I'll text Noora and Vilde where we are just to be sure", she said and typed a message.

"Told her 'Carla and I went out for a walk in the forest. Went to the left, when you look at the lake from the house. Followed the lake about an hour and a half. Low phone battery and it's dark, better be safe then sorry.'"

"Good." I said, brushing some leaves out of the way.

About 5 minutes later, her phone died as well. "What? It had 10 percent five minutes ago?! Stupid phone" She hit it, just like I did before and I smiled, even though she couldn't see it.

"Okay don't freak out now, we'll get there." Then we heard a sound. "Carla, what was this?" She whispered, panicking and I started to feel my heart beating faster.

"Let's just leave, okay?" I said. And there was this sound again. "Probably just birds." I felt my heart in my throat. I was scared now too. What kind of things live in a forest like that?

"Mhm", she agreed. And we started to walk a little faster, but some sounds were always around us. Anything was always rustled all the time and I was terrified now.