Chris Schistad - Couldn't Ever

12

Saturday, 1:55 am

We've been laying here for a while now. Our bodies were facing each other, me on the left side of the bed and him on the right. He held his right arm under my pillow and my left hand was on top of it, supporting my head. My right hand was laying between us, held by his left. He really held my hand.

Chris had his eyes closed. He slowly stroke my hand with his thumb. I almost thought he was asleep, but I somehow knew he wasn't. I wondered what he was thinking about. I slowly began to understand why the girls fell for him. He's good in bed, good-looking and does a really good job at pretending he cares.

I wonder if he laid in bed like this with other girls, holding their hands.

But quickly, I came to my senses and realized I shouldn't care because he doesn't. It's just a hookup. And I don't care.

But did he usually hook up with one girl two times? Maybe he was just as drunk the last time and couldn't remember it, so he wanted to try again.

I wondered when we will part ways. Laying here was... I don't know, it felt good to me but it must have been so boring for him. Maybe he wanted me to leave? But at the same time, he was the one holding my hand.

He fucking held my hand. It felt strangely good and... somehow safe.

It was really relaxing hearing his steady breath and looking at his beautiful face. He really was so handsome. I watched how he stroke my hand and I knew I shouldn't like it.

Then my phone began to ring. He quickly opened his eyes like he was just thrown back to reality. I turned around and saw Eva calling me. I answered and sat up.

"Hey Eva, what's wrong?", I asked concerned.

"I'm not— I'm not feeling so good. Can you come to the bathroom upstairs real quick?", I heard her cry almost.

I was already putting on my clothes when I said: "I'll be there. One second." And I hung up to pull my pants up.

"What's wrong, Carla? Everything alright?" Chris steadied himself on an elbow and looked concerned. I felt kind of bad to leave him here but at the same time I thought I was doing him a favor. He wouldn't have to kick me out himself now.

"It's Eva, she's not feeling well." I grabbed my stuff and unlocked the door, looking back at him. I opened my mouth to say something but I just couldn't find the right words so I just smiled and whispered a quick "Bye, Chris".

I opened the door and closed it after and sprinted to the bathroom. I knocked and said "It's me, Carla"

"Come in" I heard Eva say. When I saw her hanging over the toilet, I felt so bad for leaving her. I'm such a bad friend. Never taking care of anyone at a party.

"Oh Eva... What happened?" I kneeled down next to her and brushed her hair back. Seeing the redness in her eyes broke my heart.

She shook her head slightly. "I don't know. I— I was making out with Jonas until a girl came by and slapped him. She yelled cheater and started crying. He ran after her instead of explaining himself."

She sniffed all the time and a tear was running down her cheek. "I then drank a few shots, I can't even remember how many and..." she started crying hard now. "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess!"

"Hey, shhh, it's okay.", I hugged her, "I'm not judging. I understand. Shall I call the others too?" I didn't want her to feel like I'm the only one caring about her.

"No please. I love them but they'll lecture me and I just can't deal with this right now." She pleaded.

I nodded and murmured an 'Okay'.

"I tried to call Jonas but he wouldn't answer his phone. And I— I didn't want to.. you know interrupt you and Chr—"

I held her hair while she threw up in the toilet. "It's okay, let it out."

When she stopped, she shook her head and held it in her hands. "God, this is so embarrassing. I shouldn't have called you."

"No no no, Eva. It's okay. Nothing to be embarrassed about and I'm glad I can be here for you. You know you can always call me, right?" I tried to calm her down but that just made her cry more.

"I fucked up bad, Carla. Promise you won't be mad, when I tell you?" She said. I was scared of what she might say but of course I wanted to know now. "Promise."

"I— Last Saturday, there was a party... I—" she started crying again. "I slept with Chris... It was an accident, I swear!"

That's it? I couldn't understand why she was so sad about it. Something in me did feel strange but it didn't matter to me. "Eva, why do you think I would be mad at you for this?"

She had a strange look in her eyes. "Because I thought... you liked him?"

I hugged her tightly. "Oh no, Eva. I don't like him like that. We hooked up, that's it. You know he sleeps around, I'm not jealous or something. He... Wait— do you like him?"

She widened her eyes. "No, no I don't, I just— I'm sorry. I thought that I had betrayed you."

I shook my head, telling her she didn't, that it's fine. Even though I find the thought of them together very strange.

After a while and a lot of puke, we decided to try to go home. I texted my mother that I was sleeping at Eva's so she didn't worry. I just feel like Eva needed the company tonight.