Chris Schistad - Couldn't Ever

35

Friday, 9:50 pm

"When I told her that we're just friends, she said something like "So you're friends now?! Didn't you say that you couldn't ever be friends?". When I asked her where she heard that from, she didn't want to answer first." Chris was biting his lips, scared.

Nothing Noora told me would be reason enough for him to be scared. What else is she not telling me? What is Chris hiding?

"Then she told me that you were talking to William about everything because he's your best friend. You talked about me."

His legs were shaking and I saw him swallowing. His eyes fell on the ground.

"She was so mad at me, so I yelled at her, asking what you could have possibly told her about me that would turn her against me."

"I'm so sorry, okay? I really am, Carla." He said and his eyes were watery.

"She said, you told her that I was hot and then cold again and that you don't know where you're at with me. That I'm confusing you, when it's exactly the other way around!" I heard my voice getting louder, so I tried to calm myself down by breathing more controlled.

He sat there, impatient for me to finish the story.

"She told me that you said, I was fucking with your head while pointing at Theo and me." I shook my head, unable to believe it.

"We made a deal. 'No strings attached', remember? I saw you with that girl in the water earlier— turns out she is your ex, so you're not allowed to be jealous, when some guy brings me a fucking towel! We don't even do jealous!"

He was quiet. His leg stopped shaking and there was no sign of a tear in his eyes anymore. He looked at me.

"She didn't say anything else?" He asked. And I shook my head.

"Then you're right. I wasn't jealous, just to be clear. I was mad that you were just being a fucking dick teaser."

I will not cry. I will not. "Wow." I said calmly, but I couldn't help feel my eyes watering. I immediately felt tears streaming down my cheeks. "You went there."

He didn't say anything. He didn't apologize, he just looked at me with cold eyes. He knew what this word meant to me after Robin's threat.

"I don't care if you're mad at me or not, but saying something like that shows what kind of person you are."

I cried hard now and my voice was shaking. "Don't you want to say something? Maybe: "Next time you're being a dick teaser, you won't get away with it."? Go on, Chris."

Tears streamed down my face. "Or was me saying your name teasing enough? Are you turned on or what? Go on! Hurt me physically too! Go fuck yourself!"

He stood up, swallowing but no expression in his eyes. "If you ever come close to me again,—"

When he closed the door, I ran into the bathroom, locked the door and sank on the floor.

He got what he wanted. He broke my heart and he didn't even need to be in a relationship with me.

I hadn't expected something so low of him, using the words of the one guy that threatened to basically rape me. I could feel my heart shatter.

'We made love today', my head continued to say over and over. Every time my head thought it, my heart broke a little bit more to the point, where I'm convinced, there was only dust left.

Then I heard someone knock on the door. "Carla? Are you in there?" Vilde said. "Eskild is looking for you."

I coughed, trying to sound as normal as possible. "I'll go take a shower real quick, then I'm coming!" I said.

"Alright, I'll tell him that. See you at the bonfire!"

I looked in the mirror and I looked horrible. I brushed my hair and put some makeup on but there was nothing to do about these red eyes. I wasn't going to let some fuckboy ruin this trip with my friends. I'll enjoy myself as good as possible, doesn't matter how much alcohol I needed.

Saturday, 12:58 am

I drank a lot with Eskild and Henrik. Turns out Henrik is gay as well.

We sat by the bonfire together and they were flirting all the time. Eskild was really good at it tho. We ate marshmallows and danced around it with loud music. I put off my socks and pulled up my pants to put my feet in the water.

Theo joined me and we were both drunk-dancing to a slow song that played. "Carla, what are you doing? Get out of there, you'll get sick!" Eskild called. I rolled my eyes and did as he said.

Eskild saw that something was wrong and I told him everything. He tried to cheer me up and suggested to a) drink more alcohol and b) Play just dance with him. And we did. Great advice.

Soon a few people joined us until everyone was upstairs, either making some food in the kitchen or chatting on the balcony or in the party room.

After a few dances, we decided to play karaoke instead. Eskild began and I cheered. He sang "Shut up and dance" and pulled Henrik to him, then me as well. We both joined him and screamed the lyrics. We were all horrible.

"My turn, my turn!" I clapped my hands excited and took the microphone. I looked at what song I could sing and then I found it. I squeaked in excitement. Let's do this.

A few people were watching me and I announced: "This song is for this one person, and I hope that they know it's for them. And also big thank you to Noora who made sure, I could even be where I am right now."

I meant that in so many different ways.

"So here we go." Then I pressed play and started singing.

"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah you, PMS, like a bitch, I would know. And you over think, always speak cryptically." Noora still didn't get it then.

"I should know that you're no good for meeee! 'Cause you're hot then you're cold,..." I screamed and Eskild then joined me. I saw how Noora bit her lips and looked away. Chris heard me, I knew he did. But instead of reacting, he continued talking to a girl, Julian and another guy.

"You're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out! You're up then you're down, you're wrong when it's right.
It's black and it's white, we fight, we break up."

At some parts I sang louder, when they were very accurate. No reaction. He didn't give me anything.

"We kiss, we make up. YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO STAY, NO. BUT YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO!
YOU'RE HOT THEN YOU'RE COLD,..."

I finished this song and grabbed another drink and drowned it. And the next three as well.