Chris Schistad - Couldn't Ever

38

LONG CHAPTER (about nine usual chapters long)

CHRIS POV

Last Saturday, 9:oo am

I love the way her lips tasted. We made out all day yesterday. I think I'd never need water or food or sleep if I could stay with her like this. I asked if I could stay the night and she wasn't really bothered.

Not excited but she was fine with it. But I took the chance still.

We were laying in her bed and I listened to her steady breathing. She looked so peaceful and sweet when she slept. I was just staring at her for a few minutes before I wanted to feel her perfect features and see her shining eyes. I touched her lips, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to and I simply couldn't not.

As careful as possible I touched her face. She made a cute little wake-up-face and I hated myself for finding everything about her perfect. How could a girl change everything? Yet, she somehow did.

I've thought about what I could tell her and decided to tell her a little story.

"I just dreamed something funny", I said. Then I told her about fourth grade. I had a girlfriend, Caroline, I liked her actually, just in a platonic way, I realized later. We were having lunch at school, when I saw the most stunning girl ever. I doubt, Carla even knew about my existence but I definitely knew about hers since that moment. I even said "Wow, damn" to my girlfriend, who thought I was talking about some skateboard kid.

I changed the story a little, when I said: "Then I walked over to you and asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend. In front of Caroline."

We both laughed. "Oh yeah? What did I say?" I loved the sound of her voice, always, but when she laughed, I was melting.

"You said yes, of course." I answered, sounding more confident than I really was and tried to see her reaction.

"Well, so you know it was just a dream." She said. I didn't know if I didn't understand or didn't want to understand, but I asked "And that's supposed to mean... what?"

"We would never be together."

Ouch, daggers stabbing me in my stomach. I knew it was a dumb question, but I asked still. "And why is that?" I tried to act unbothered.

She then looked at my lips and kissed them. "Because... you are... a cheating fuckboy" She smiled weakly.

I'd rather be kicked in the balls right now than hearing this. How can she be so cruel without even realizing it? And why don't I have the balls to fucking tell her that I love her. Maybe because I'm not sure myself. But I know, I've never felt this way for someone.

"Ouch." Again. "I kind of deserved that." I did. But I hope she doesn't think that she's any way the same as any other girl to me. She's not.

We've already had such a discussion.

"If you have to touch me when I'm being so close, because you can't keep your hands off me, then I maybe should sit further away."

"Then at least put something on, I can't focus on anything, seeing your fucking perfect body right in front of me." I tossed her my hoodie.

"You really want me to wear your hoodie, right?" Abso-fucking-lutely. When she put it on, I rolled my eyes, but not annoyed, more likely turned on.

"Nope fuck it. You look equally sexy, wearing my hoodie. Might as well sit naked in front of me." I couldn't help but stare. She did have a perfect body. Perfect face, perfect everything.