Sometimes I think I'm just not cut out for being in a relationship. Eleanor thinks I'm mad at them even though I've said about ten times that I'm not. I said I was jealous that they were spending time with Livi while I was stuck back in New York because everyone hates me and then we talked a little and then I thought we were good but then but they said I've been "short" to them and that I've been acting like I don't want to talk to them. Of course I wanted to talk to them. I don't understand what she wants. Does she want me to say I miss her? I do miss her, but I'm afraid if I say that too many times then I'll just seem clingy and she'll get scared I'm going to hurt myself again and then she'll insist on coming back early. Which she said she can't do because that will upset Livi. I don't get it. I don't know what they want and they won't tell me. I don't know what to say. Ugh. I should know. I'm so stupid.
