I told Will that I'm doing better than I have in months and it's true. I think. I feel like it is. I don't know. Eleanor is really upset because she didn't get into the nutcracker this year. So upset she wants to quit dance. I have a secret that's really bad and I can't tell anyone so I have to write it down here. I am a bit little tired of Eleanor being sad all the time when I can't do anything to help her. She won't even go to therapy anymore. I kind of miss, I don't know, something about our relationship. A little part of me said maybe I should break up with her for a little bit until I get better at this thing called intuitive eating and other stuff like that. I feel like that it makes me a really bad girlfriend and a bad person. Will is also sad all the time because his family is sad. But that's not anything new. I thought it was because of Livi wanting to kill herself but I haven't heard anything about that in a while. This might be a record. Anyway, everyone being sad and depressed and everything makes me feel like I should also feel like that and not try and get better. Which is stupid because all I've wanted for the last year and three months is to get better, and I know Will and Eleanor both want me to get better, too. But how can I do that when the people I love are sad and depressed and unintentionally make me feel so guilty? This feels like a very complicated puzzle. I'm tired of feeling this way, but obviously I can't abandon these people. I don't know what to do.
