I know Dad doesn't believe me when I say I'll be the first. The first one to make it work with someone who isn't your soulmate. I mean, it really can't be that hard, with everything Eleanor and I have been through and we're still together. Things can only get better from here, right? Maybe. The thing is I really can't imagine loving anyone else. I just think of her and I truly can't remember what love was before her. Dad says I could find someone better and I told him to mind his own business. He thinks it's so fun to interfere but he can't understand any of it. I guess that makes me sound like a typical teenager complaining that her parents don't understand her. But it's true. The circumstances are just so wildly different than anything he's used to. And okay maybe he is just trying to help. But we've told him before not to interfere and I just wish he'd listen. Gods, I don't know why it's so hard for everyone to just leave us alone. And okay part of me feels guilty. I stole Livi's soulmate. But then again, no, I didn't. Because Eleanor made the choice. Because Livi hurt her over and over and never cared about what she was doing. She was selfish and petty and hurt so many people. But the person she hurt the most, I think, was herself. She's not the same Livi she was before. She gave so much of herself to Eleanor. Too much. And now she's trying to get those pieces back. That's something she should learn how to do herself. Otherwise, what are you going to do if ever you and Eleanor have a fight? If you break up? You won't be you anymore. That's the risk of relationships. You have to be careful. If you give too much of yourself to the wrong person, there's nothing left of you. One of the main reasons I think I wanted to date someone so bad was just the thought of having something that was just for me. I told myself I was just fine with my siblings and yeah I was for a while until they decided that wasn't enough for them anymore. They were there for me, sure, but I knew deep down that eventually they'd all move on and then where would that leave me? Alone and forgotten. I'm just going on a tangent now but the point I was trying to make is that I hoped dating Eleanor might give me a break from all that. That I'd just have something for me. Not for my siblings. Just me. But that's not what's happening. Because it's more than that. It's Livi and Dad and all this extra stuff. Why can't I just have this one thing after I've lost so much? Can't the Fates just spare me just this once? I don't want to be alone anymore.
