I swore I wouldn't do this again—all the words overwhelming my brain and why can't they just stop? And then Will and Eleanor are both mad because I slipped up and said I wanted to go home and then it's "I don't want you to leave" and "I shouldn't have trusted you" and it's not fair. I want to yell at Eleanor that this is all her fault but I know it's not. I'm the problem, not them, and taking it out on someone else would make it a hundred times worse. I thought seeing a therapist would help. What else? Stay until the voices are just too much? Why can't I just get them all out? It wouldn't solve everything, and I'd likely have to do it more than once. Maybe Eleanor would get it. Or maybe she'll think I'm all those things and never want to talk to me again. That's probably those stupid voices again telling me that but you never know. And yeah I should definitely see a therapist.
