Today was the first time we've talked about Austin in a long time I think. I guess we tend not to bring up the subject if we can help it because his death stood for so much. So many things have changed since then. Even when we do talk about him, it's not like this. Usually it's because I bring it up. We have this tradition to watch Star Wars together on May 4 because Will loves it. Only this is the first year without Austin. Will still came over and we watched the Mandalorian. He cried through the whole thing. He said "I miss him" but it's only now occurring to me he was talking about Austin because we were talking about James before that. I didn't realize that was why Will wanted to be with me today. I honestly didn't know Will missed him. I didn't know they were that close. I wonder if he blames himself somehow, just like I do.
