She did explain eventually
The reasons didn't make a lot of sense but then again mine usually don't either
So whatever
Livi said Eleanor's not doing too well
So Eleanor must care then right
Then Livi told Will she wants me not to talk to her
Gods I can't stand her
I'm at Will's and it's just the two of us right now since everyone else is still in Boston
I've spent most of the day with headphones in staring out the window
I scrubbed my skin so hard just to try and get rid of her
But I can't
I know I could've been better but I really tried to give you everything
No one's ever been allowed half as close as that but you still don't trust it
My mind is buzzing
It hurts so much
She thinks I don't love her
Or that I only sometimes do
That's not true
I've never not loved her I think
I know I'm not always good at showing it
But that's beside the point
The point is
I do love her
But not so much that I'm totally blind
I do love you
But I love myself too
At least I'm trying to
And the truth is that no matter how much you love someone sometimes you have to put yourself first
I want to forgive her
I really do
But I can't
Not yet anyway
It wouldn't feel right
I don't think at least
I don't know
But I need to decide quickly or else she's probably going to date Livi again
Probably for the best if I'm being honest
I think Livi could get better now
Not me
I was stupid to think I could
I was stupid to think we could be forever when we're not soulmates
Everyone's always saying that doesn't matter and not to believe it
But the hard truth is that there's no cheating or changing fate
I was so stupid to believe in love
