Michaela's journal II

when all you wanted was to be wanted

I keep scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing. I know I'm clean so why do I still feel dirty

Every time I think I want this half the time in the end I just feel gross and dirty and super insecure and I hate myself and I don't understand why I wanted it in the first place and I want to cut everything away to stop feeling like that. I'm so confused on what I want, other than to disappear