I'm not going to lie. I want to kill myself. Not talking to Eleanor makes me want to kill myself. I know it's my fault. I'm the one who pushed her away. I don't even have Will anymore. Not really. Being home has helped. I'm far enough away that for a short time I can forget about it all. But it's not enough. I wish I could take a dip in the Lethe and forget about that life. Forget I ever even left Canada that first time. And why not? I don't see any reason why I shouldn't. I'm not needed there anymore. Will's relationship is totally fine again, I think. No one needs me at camp. Eleanor probably never wants to see me again. Even Vie is getting married in July and will be focusing on other things. What's the point of holding onto any of it? What's the point of anything, if I'm not needed anymore?
