There's this certain way I see Will's kids. They're different from me. Like, they really think there's nothing to being a demigod except cool powers or whatever. No danger, no fear that someone could die or another war could break out, and no work or any kind needs to be put into it. If I believed that, maybe I'd show some respect to the gods occasionally too. But I don't. I think of it as a curse. How many of us have I watched die, while the gods did nothing to step in? If they saw the things I've seen, on a daily basis even, would they be different? That kind of stuff...changes you. It changes how you see the world. When you realize you could die, or your friend or sibling could die, anytime without warning. I don't mean to sound like a brat, but they're so...privileged. They think they're better than everyone. They really have no idea how bad things can be. I guess I'm mostly talking about James and the twins. The ones that have always been the most trouble. How can they act the way they do? Do they ever think about that stuff at all? It makes me so angry. But I shouldn't complain. I consider myself lucky. A lot of people have it even worse. But sometimes I wish they'd wake up one day and realize what they're doing.
Will says on Sunday night he's going to try to take Livi to the Lethe. Erase her memories and give her a fresh start. When Will told me she wanted to erase my memories of Eleanor, I was so mad. Which, I know said I wished I could forget her. But on my own terms, not by force. And what about her being "done being a good person"? Since when has she been a good person? She only cares about herself. And then later, when I found out she actually wanted to take Eleanor's memories, not mine, I was even more angry. Of course she did. She'll manipulate Eleanor to the ends of the Earth to get what she wants. She doesn't even care if it's real or not. She just wants what she wants and doesn't care about what anyone else wants. I can't imagine how much that would hurt. Watching Eleanor and Livi date and be happy and Eleanor not remember me at all. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her. I need Livi gone. I need her memories wiped away so she can have her stupid fresh start and leave Eleanor alone. I was so stupid to think she could be safe with Livi. No one would be safe with Livi. I want Eleanor to come home. I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, with Livi out of the picture, we can try to work it out. Maybe eventually we can be okay again.
