So the other day Will and I got into this argument. It was over what I'd say is our second most common topic to fight about: Nico. So Will has been staying in Texas for the past couple of weeks and I think it's been helping him a little. But then Nico is mad at him for leaving and barely talks to him. Will says it wasn't always like this. That their relationship wasn't always so. Idk. He also says they're working on it but he's been saying that for months and it seems to me like he's the only one between the two of them that is actually working on it. And I don't know how true that is because I don't know how their conversations but it pisses me off so much. He's always ignoring you, isn't he? That's what you tell me. You're always telling me how I deserve to be happy and loved but I think you forgets you do too, just as much if not more than I do. I've given him chances. So many chances. I've been giving him chances for a year. And guess what? He hasn't improved at all. He's just gotten worse. So no, he doesn't get more chances. He doesn't care about your feelings. Maybe that's too harsh. He does care. Just not enough. But anyway, this is how the argument started. Will was telling me that Nico had called him and only said "hi" and then nothing else for like 45 minutes and I said I didn't understand him and Will said he didn't either. So I said, "why did you marry him then?" and he said you don't have to understand someone in order to love them and I said that I don't think just loving someone is good enough if you're thinking about marrying them. And then he got mad and wanted to know why I thought I could give relationship advice when I'm not in one, which I thought was a pretty dumb question. Just from what he tells me it's obvious. So then I told Eleanor about it, that I thought that just loving someone isn't enough if you're deciding if you should marry them and they asked what else was there. Well what if you love each other but you're bad at communicating? You learn to communicate. Which will take patience, persistent, being humble enough to admit when you've messed up, etc. And then Eleanor told me that I was a bad communicator and I said I was trying and she got upset and said she was going to go home. Then I went back to camp and relapsed. I mean I'd been wanting to for days but getting into a separate argument with my two favorite people is what pushed me off the edge. And then after a while Eleanor called me and wanted to know why I'd gone back to camp. She'd literally said "I'm gonna go home". Not "let's go" or "can we go". So of course I was going to assume they meant just them. So I ended up coming over at 1 am even though she said not to. I still feel like every single thing I do is wrong. But then again I always feel like that. Will I ever feel comfortable in my own skin? I doubt it.
