"Why do you think you have so much anger inside?"
I had to think about that for a minute. There are a lot of things to be angry about. We can start with my dad abandoning me, never once showing a sign he even existed until he claimed me, letting my siblings die, and then showing up at camp wanting help to get his godhood back. Yeah right. I was so tempted to say "good luck with that." Well anyway. Then there's Will's family. I swear all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I tried to let go. I really did. But I couldn't. And the frustration of wanting to love someone. Wanting to feel special to someone. And that getting taken away—not once but several times—once I finally got it. So yeah. A lot of things to be angry about. We talked about the voice too. When I asked how to get rid of it, she suggested instead that I try to befriend it or something. That sounds stupid to me. I want it gone more than anything.
I can distract myself for a short time but my mind won't stop going back to Eleanor and how much I miss her. Today she texted me and said she loved me but then she unsent it like she changed her mind and I wish she hadn't said it at all. I hope the plan works. Maybe then everything will be okay but I refuse to get my hopes up.
