I don't know why I'm trying so hard to give off the illusion that I have it all together. Honestly, does anyone here? These people are all like me, in a way. And yet they're nothing at all like me. The cabin is too quiet. I almost hoped a new Apollo kid might show up this summer but I guess not. Probably for the best. I feel like I'm just surviving, just going through the motions like I'm waiting for something but I don't know what. What happens next? How do people leave camp and go on with their lives? I don't think I can after everything that's happened. After losing more people than I can count. (Whether or not they were close to me, it still hurts.) After watching someone I love go through so much hurting and not being able to do anything to stop it. After therapy and medications and mental health and illnesses and failed relationships and going from one unhealthy coping mechanism to another searching for something to numb the pain. What happens after that?
I once heard a story about a guy who spent a really long time in jail and when he got out suddenly he had no idea what to do with his life, so he committed another crime that got him sent straight back to jail. People stick with what they know, with what's familiar even if it's not ideal because they're scared of the unknown.
