So apparently
the Lethe didn't work,
It makes me want to throw something
But
I'm not surprised
Actually
Nothings's been working the way it should
That's what it feels like at least.
Well anyway.
I got to see Eleanor today. For the first time in what feels like at eternity. I was so glad to see her. I wanted to kiss her so bad but I held back. We talked instead. Then we watched a movie. And I kissed her on the cheek when I left. We're going to be friends for now I think. And then I guess we're just going to, idk, see what happens. Keeping her in my life even after everything feels questionable and part of me wonders why I still hold on. And I can't really answer in a way that makes sense. The truth is I can't help myself. Dating her was the happiest I've ever been. Except for Livi. One part of our conversation went like this. She said she knows I don't trust her but she wants to rebuild that trust. That she'll do anything to do that. I think that's a really amazing thing to say to someone. That you're willing to work on yourself for them. I'll do anything too. But I'll be realistic too. I won't keep trying to hold on if it's clear, after a while, that it isn't working. I'm only fifteen. How many people have their whole life planned out at fifteen? If it doesn't work out then it isn't the end of the world. I'll remember that.
She also told me Silas is coming to be her roommate so she won't be alone. I would definitely prefer him to Livi but I still got skeptical when she said that because he also admitted to having a crush on her once. When I asked she said I won't have to worry about that because she is already in love with someone. I wanted to say that didn't stop you from having sex with my brother. Or kissing my sister. But I didn't. I guess it's a good thing we're not immediately getting back together yet.
