Soldiers And Beasts

7. Any Kind Of Pain Is Immeasurable

John Pov.

While everyone else was walking around the neighborhood Lt. General Hoffman had us stationed in, I remained sitting on the edge of the tank. As I sat there, the thought that they all stood up for me still kept me wondering. I didn't know why, and I didn't know what made them want to do that. I guess... even when I was a member of the Spec Ops Division, I didn't feel quite like I belonged in this group. Perhaps it was the thought that anthros were willing to defend a human, and it's perhaps also the fact that I've been fighting alongside anthros for the past few months rather than shooting at them.

It was still so bizarre how I - a human - was fighting with them and not fighting them. I just couldn't imagine a reality where this kind of luck would be given to anyone, not even me.

I just couldn't quite wrap my head around it, but the thought was still lingering around in my head as to why it happened. As I sat there, I pondered and pondered. I was just... pondering. That's all I was doing as I sat there on the edge of the tank - just pondering.

My eyes were still somewhat pink - at least I thought they were - because I was still crying from what had happened.

I didn't know if people were looking at me - I was hoping that they weren't because I didn't want anyone to see me cry, I was never fond of others seeing me cry - but I kept trying to rub my eyes. I was pretending to be tired from the journey to Castle Evenings when in reality I was trying to make it less suspicious that I was trying to wipe away the tears. They weren't as extreme as they were when it first started but they became less intense over time. When we finally reached Castle Evenings, I was hoping that right now they would stop - but they didn't.

I raised my head and looked around to see if anyone was looking at me, and thankfully, no one was looking at me. I stood up and carefully walked over to the other side of the tank and jumped down, and just as I was going to walk away into a house that didn't seem occupied by any of the 90'000 anthro soldiers, I was stopped by the voice of the tank commander. "Hey, kid. Can I talk to you for a second?" I knew that he was just going to talk shit about me so I just ignored him and continued to walk to the empty house.

I heard him sigh and climb out of his commander's hatch and climb down the tank, trekking behind me. "Come on kid, just hold on for a second, I just want to talk-" "Why, you want to continue to talk down to me as if I can't find back? Screw you, asshole." I said, entering the abandoned house, hoping I could release all of the tears I tried to hide there. "Look, kid... I... I just want to apologize for what I said when I was taking all of you here." he said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he kept looking away from me.

I scoffed at the apology. "Oh, what? All of a sudden you feel like it's right to apologize after Lt. General Hoffman made you out like a bitch in front of everyone?" his face wrenches into an aggravated expression, his fists balling up, clenching tightly as if he was struggling to not retaliate. He slowly closed his eyes, then inhaled, and exhaled deeply. "Kid, listen, I am sorry about what happened back there. Look, I misjudged you, okay? I don't know what else there is to say, but I know that I shouldn't have gone off on you like that."

I looked at him - a strong fierce glare on my face - and then turned my back to him. I stayed quiet for a moment, and I can tell he was still there, expecting me to answer. "What does it matter, honestly?" I heard his ear flicker upon hearing this. "I'm just the only human here in this group, and not just the only human, I'm just a human. If other people like you did the same thing you did, they wouldn't have apologized, and that is true. What honestly made you realize that you needed to apologize for what you said?" I ask, genuinely interested in what it was that made him want to apologize for what he said.

"You know... that's the thing... I don't know what it was that made me want to apologize to you, kid. I just don't know." he answered. His answer didn't sound like it was made from an instant sense to be fake, it sounded like a true answer. "Then? What was the point of all of this? If you don't know why you wanted to apologize, then why didn't you just stay where you were?" I ask him, still keeping my back turned to him.