So yesterday Eleanor brought up Vie's wedding, which is going to be exactly one month from now. She seemed really excited...and then I remembered it's going to be at camp. She got really upset and left. Luckily I convinced her to come back but she was still upset because she isn't "special". To be honest, one thing that drew me to Eleanor was the fact that she was mortal. Maybe I could have a fresh start—someone who knew nothing about my world. Someone who made me feel, idk, normal and not like a freak. Someone who I didn't have to worry about getting attacked or being sent on a quest or having to fight in a battle. So here she was, telling me she wished she was like me and I didn't know what to say. Eleanor, I'm so glad you never had to go through any of the stuff I did.
I decided to ask our dad—Apollo—the question, finally. I've asked my dad, sure, but he's made it pretty clear that's not a topic to bring up. And I hesitated asking Apollo because, well, because I didn't want him in my life, I guess. So what was the point in asking. What he told me was pretty much exactly what I expected, except for the part about him coming back a few times afterward until I was a year old. I mean, I kinda thought he just dropped me on the doorstep and disappeared off the face of the earth. I guess not. I wish he'd kept visiting more after that though. Didn't he stay with Will a lot longer? Why did he stop coming? Did he just stop caring? I wish I knew.
Earlier Eleanor made a joke about being pregnant and I may have kind of freaked out a little and forgot that that isn't possible. Will thought it was hilarious. I guess I freaked out because I'm absolutely not ready to be a parent. Like I can't even say the word "mom" that sounds so weird. Not until I'm at least 30. If ever. Okay the truth is it's something I've barely thought about. Getting married, having kids. A lot of demigods don't live past high school, and even if I did, what if we ended up like my parents? It's really hard to picture, especially when I'm still convinced I'm not going to make it through this summer without being murdered. Speaking of parents, Will's talking about moving out and I feel like he might be serious this time. A tiny part of me wants to say I told you so and I want to take that part of me and put it through the garbage disposal. But that's why me and Eleanor have decided we're going to wait. I'm not going to let that be us. I know that makes me sound like a bitch but I kinda don't care. Everyone's rushing into these decisions too fast. I know they would've waited if not for the weird circumstances like knowing Nico was going to die but...whatever. I should probably shut up.
