Dirty Little Heart

Natalia Polinski.

Jonathan and I went home, not wasting further time. The ride home was silent as if someone had just died and we were going to their funeral. Jonathan didn't force me to talk about it too. He knew how broken I was. He could see it in my eyes.

Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe it's not what it seems like. But all I knew was. I had to talk to Nat.

On my way back, I couldn't stop thinking about the day Nat and I first met...

--Past--

"Girl, are you okay?"

I look back and see the brunette girl pulling the chair out right beside me to sit. She was smiling as if she knew me for a long time.

"Hot." I sip my drink, not looking at her.

"You know this isn't how you'll find this place better. Sober up to fall in love with this area."

That was the first thing she asked me. Every guy from when I first moved here tried asking where I was from, why did I move and all that bullshit you don't even care about, but her? She was my personal psychiatrist.

"How did you know I was looking for a place?" I ask.

"This isn't the first time I've seen you sitting here. I come here almost every day. I have a lot of connections, too. And the way you dress up alternatively wearing only 4 dresses says a lot,"

I actually laughed when she said all that, not because she was making fun, but because she told the truth right to my face. Given my history with each type of person, she was the first that caught my eye.

"I'm Angelica May." I let out my hand for her to shake.

"Natalia Polinski.."

That is how we first met. Her being honest with me from the start, me being...well..me. We talked for hours, we drank, we danced, we bumped uglies even for the first time. But that night ended more soothing and carefree than I expected it to be.

Natalia was showing me how she wanted to renovate a room. We went there, and she showed me. Her idea was to help her paint the walls and have the furniture placed perfectly and for all the work, she'll pay. I did. I helped her throughout her renovation. This was her way of giving me a type of job for starters, and he was going to help me find a better one next. I believed her.

"All right, Nat, it's done."

I see her smiling like I just gave her a surprise. We both went into the room to look how it was looking. She gazed into it for a while, then turned her face towards me.

"What?" I ask.

"Don't you think there's something missing?"

I looked around the 4 walls and the roof to see what was empty.

"I..see nothing."

"I think it's missing a wardrobe. Maybe a cabinet just for some clothes to place."

"But I thought you just wanted to be in a spare room?" I ask.

"I did until I met you." She chuckles.

"NO.. NO. Nat? Are you fucking kidding me? I can't just live here without giving you rent! Face it, I don't have a job I have no way of earning. I'm broke and you know that!"

"Oh, come on! Look. I needed a roommate eventually. You just filled that emptiness with yourself. And don't worry about the rent. We'll deal with it later. Once you earn, I'll rob you myself. But for now, what do you say?"

She was all jumpy and happy and so excited about this that I couldn't help but go with the flow. I hesitated at first but, embarrassed, gave in to her puppy eyes.

"Fine, I really don't have another place to go to so, I guess I'll... stay."

Natalia literally jumped in the air, capturing me in a big hug. She made me feel like I had a sister, a best friend I could rely on. She was always so truthful to me, never lied, even if she did. Only 2 hours and she would come spilling it all out.

We went to parties together, had sex with a lot of guys. We would always find those who were best friends or sometimes twins just so we could both enjoy ourselves at the same time.

It wasn't until when she fall for a guy genuinely who ended up breaking her heart. She never told me the full story of what exactly happened and I would never ask her because she was a wreck by then. So I just helped her move on. After that, I never saw her with any other guy. She wouldn't even try. And I don't force her because I truly respected her.

Since that day I first met her, I've stayed by her side and she did too. No fights. No frustration for the other. Nothing. We were the best pair.

Until now.

--Present--

"Angelica?"

"Angelica?!"

"HEY?"

I shook my head, forcing myself out of the endless void. I look at Jonathan, who's getting ready to leave.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"It's all right. Are...you sure you're going to be okay? You know I can stay."

I knew he wanted to stay for me. But he's already helped me a lot. But this part of my life was something I needed to face myself. So I asked him to leave.

"Of course. Don't worry, if I get scared, I'll call you." I pass him a forceful smile while he cups my face.

"Will wait for that."

Jonathan kisses my forehead and walks towards the door. He stops midway.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Okay?"

I nod and walk him drive away. Closing the door behind him, I pour myself a glass of red wine, watching closely at the door, waiting for it to open. I don't fall asleep because I will be a bitch if I do so. I needed answers, and I needed them now.

The door swings open.

"Hey, Angie. Woah, Pretty late for some wine, isn't it?" Nat walks inside, throwing her bag on the couch, gazing at me awkwardly.

I stay silent.

"Are you okay?"

I get up to face her, eye to eye as I say.

"What the fuck did you want from Roger?" Don't screw me up. I'm already having a shitty day. All I need...is. the. truth."

Her eyes go wide as she stood paralysed in front of me.