So here's the thing. I've never been on speaking terms with God. I mean, the Christian God or whatever. I never really had a choice to believe in the Greek or Roman gods but hey, if they exist then I don't see why not. I've never been to church and I only have a sort of vague idea what it's like. I guess I understand why a lot of people choose to believe there is a God, in some kind of form. It's nice to have something to believe in. Nice to think there's something more than all this. Something to give them hope. And I guess that's why tonight, somehow, I found myself kneeling, staring out the window at the moon and praying. I think you're actually supposed to close your eyes but I think there's something about staring out at the sky that just felt right. The prayer itself was awkward. Like I said I don't really have any idea what it's supposed to sound like. I asked for hope. For things to be okay, I guess. I asked for Livi to realize she doesn't need Eleanor. For Will and Nico to be able to figure things out and for them to be happy. For Eleanor to happy, no matter what. For the voices in my head to leave me alone and not make me feel like everything is my fault. For my family to be safe. All of them, even the ones I don't like. I also asked Him to help me to not hate them. Then I realized if I'm going to ask for all this stuff I should probably be grateful for some stuff too. So I told Him I was grateful for Eleanor and for my siblings for not giving up on me. And for not giving up on myself even when I really wanted to. I didn't feel any different afterward. I wonder if He heard me. Maybe not, since that was the first time I ever acknowledged Him before. But it works for other people, right? So hey, I guess it's worth a shot.
